I apologize if this story is sad,I just followed the first thing that came to mind and went all the way with it馃槀鉂わ笍
I could bear to look at her, not after all these and all I put her through. She shrugged and I could see her fingers shivering around the telephone as she gathered her words. If only this glass was the only thing separating us and not 10 years of distance and bitterness. I had imagine a million ways this could go down but none had prepared him for the questions in her eyes.
'How are you?' she asked in a whisper. This is bad,I shouldn't have let her start the conversation,it showed indifference on my part.
'Diane, how have you been?' I managed to get the words out.
'Funny you'd ask that.' she said with a chuckle. I'm out of words already, this wasn't going as planned.
'i didn't come to catch up or make small talks' she added irritably. 'The lawyers are preparing the paperwork,you should be home by weekend'. Home, I'm not sure where that is anymore, my home was with her and she's gone.
I gave a small smile and she fumbled for her purse and stood to leave,I obviously had nothing to say. If only she knew how my heart ached with the words I want to say and with the regrets it held. I followed the warden back to my cell and ignored the banters in the cell next to mine, my mind was too worn out to process anything but my pain.
Life indeed is filled with uncertainties and the shoes of misery can fit perfectly on any feet. Twelve years ago,it was all bliss and as the 15 year old Diane would put it, 'rainbow and unicorns'. I remember the sound of Sophia's laughter ringing in the kitchen as she made pancakes as was her weekend tradition, two days before the doctor's report, the diagnosis that changed my rainbow to fog. I remembered it like it was yesterday, she kissed my cheeks with a smile, the smile she always had, and gave my hand a small squeeze. I sat there transfixed and just stared, cancer? How? When? How did I not notice sooner? I heard her say something like 'it'll be okay' but I wasn't listening, my mind was gushing with all the ways I had failed her. I held her hands tightly as if daring death to make me let it go.
Three months later, during her chemotherapy,I held her hands and a year later on her death bed,I held her hands. I would never forget her trying to smile amidst the pain and her last words to me
'Six years with you was my favorite forever, take care of Diane'. My Sophia, my light, illuminating my path till her very last breath. As she took her last,I still held her hands and the nurses literally had to tear me away from her.
I wanted to fulfill her last wish but something died inside of me,I heard a flicker of light then it went completely off. I retreated into myself and shut down in my grief. Diane's existence became a blur and we quickly grew apart and honestly, I didn't care about her loss, not when I was busy nursing mine. Weeks passed and I found comfort in the bottle when the walls of my room could no longer contain the guilt after I sent Diane off to my mum. With her pitiful eyes no longer boring into my wall,I let the grief consume me and before I knew it,I was into bar fights and pointing a gun at a opponent and I still didn't care when I pulled the trigger. It was a fifteen years sentence, perhaps it was because there was nothing left to judge after I pled guilty.
I remember my mum's shrill voice when I forbade Diane from visiting,I didn't feel deserving of her care or curiosity.
'She needs you, Paul. She's your daughter' but I didn't budge.
The week passed with a blur and when I opened my eyes,it was Saturday and I saw Diane waiting outside the Prison gates for me. When I heard the news of my pardon from the government for 'good conduct', I didn't know how to receive the information. Apparently,Diane had been trying to get me out and my heart swelled with shame when she came to visit a week before. Having done alot of introspection, I was ready to make amends and hopefully, build a bridge of love for the rift I selfishly created. I blinked from the piercing of the sun and smiled as I stepped into the light of the day. I walked to Diane and held her hands thesame way I held her mother's with the grip promising to never let go. She is an extension of the light Sophia gave me,a beacon and I chose to let her lead me out of my tunnel.
I wiped her tears with my thumb and whispered, 'Let''s go home'.
