This is a poem written for a slam poetry session. I was actually hoping for a slam poetry thing on here somewhere but it seems like it isn't active... Anyone interested in making it a thing? Ha! In any case, keep that in mind when reading through and how you hear the word spacing, emphasis and such in your head. Thank you for reading. Feedback is always welcome!
Present. Past. Future.
I can't tell the difference anymore,
I mean, they all seem the same, I really can't be sure.
Once upon a time, life was fine.
The mornings were early but bright.
I would wake up with the dawn with my father,
he'd pull the curtains back and there wouldn't even be sunshine.
But I would rise and rub my eyes,
ready for a new day of adventure.
The recollection of that time is easy enough to conjure in my mind.
The past catching up to the present moment,
causing an overlap in time.
Where I am now, compared to the past, is difficult to define.
Digging deep, I know what it feels like to be enough.
Love was packed into every hug, kiss and lunch.
On my cheek or next to my thermos with piping hot something,
a sandwich and a barrel-shaped bottle of fruit punch.
I knew that I was special to someone, but I didn't know what that meant.
I do now and while I cherish those thoughts, I also need to push the memories away.
Dealing with the loss of this fairytale,
thanks to courts and evil adults...
Those that are paid to make laws of the land,
dictating rules and custody,
inserting themselves into situations that they don't understand.
Thanks to them,
I was taken from my loving home and placed into a certifiable hell.
But I guess, even that is based on perspective as well.
So, there you go. No, go ahead and tell me how this isn't Kosovo.
Explain to me how I'm taking it wrong, looking at it from an erroneous angle.
By all means, tell me how it could have been worse, like I haven't thought of that before.
Please inform me, how I am spoiled and how it all doesn't compare...
to the hell that you went through.
Then again, why are we here laying our scars bare?
Is this a contest and I'm not aware?
I never presumed...
I know that it can take a lifetime to sort through...
The painful memories, figuring out things that a child's brain can't comprehend.
Fractured feelings disconnected nerve ends rubbed raw.
Zing! There's the sting!
Constantly reminding me of this landlocked past.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe it wasn't that bad.
I will keep telling myself that.
I will focus on the good, even if it isn't true.
I'll make believe my problems were something that you would view as horrible.
Doing my best to slip into your perspective,
sinking back into the expected.
I create a story that fits in better with the social collective.
My happy childhood, it isn't like I have to lie.
It was there for a moment in time, before it slipped beyond my reach.
-Shrug-
Probably where it is meant to be.
We can't always be spoiled and weak.
We have to toughen up.
The worse it is, the harder I become.
Good thing too, because fitting in with all of you...
it's probably the hardest thing I have ever done.
But I can try.
I can save the tears for later, I won't cry.
See, I'm laughing.
I'm about to have fun.
Slipping on my mask,
I tend to forget who I am.
Tomorrow will be the same,
it'll be okay...
just like yesterday.
