Poaching Eggs for idiots, I.E. Me
Ok so the other day I paid a visit to my buddy 
As with most people I call friends, it was a visit he graciously tolerated and didn't throw me out. I'm sure the rest of my mob were welcome to stay as long as they like but I have been told I'm best in small doses.
Too much time with myself makes me itchy so I get it.
We had a few beers a good night and when I could no longer walk in a straight line, Ed kindly escorted me to a comfy couch tucked me in, he even lit a fire so I stayed warm. What a gent!
Now next morning its only fair to share the love so I made breakfast. Eggs Benedict-ish.
Poached egg, Bacon and Hollandaise sauce on Wedge cut toast with a Caramelized Chipolata Pork Sausage.
This post isn't so much a recipe. Its about throwing food together that looks fancy, so your buddies will forget you got drunk, it has in the past helped me smooth things over with the wife. (She still holds a bit of a grudge from the last time I got hammered and pissed in the dishwasher. At least that was at Home...)
So now one of my biggest pet peeves, Poached eggs. I shit you not, I hate watching chefs on tv make something so simple,so elegant, seem so difficult and involved its highly irritating.
And no that sausage aint burnt, its the light, The LIGHT I SAY!
In my late teens I had a job at a small resto for a few months, the house speciality? You guessed it poached eggs for breakfast and Brunch. I personally have cooked hundreds and there are only 3 things you need.
Water (No salt, No Vinegar) in a large Pan
Eggs
Slotted spoon or Spatula.
Practice, and the eggs make all the difference, If they're super fresh, its easy. If they're more than a few days old Crack them into a small cup. Scratch that start with every egg in a cup,its easier.
Next bring your water to a rolling boil for at least 2 Minutes,(I don't know why this matters so much to be honest but I got shouted at by the chef if I didn't do it)
Turn your water down to a simmer, and gently tip or crack your egg into the water, from as close as you can without burning yourself.
Wait 2 Minutes and remove the egg from the water, keep it on a warm plate until you're ready to serve. (2 1/2 minutes if your dishing it up straight, They keep cooking on their own while they are on the plate)
Boom, a perfect poached egg, No vinegar in the water, no swirling water and fucking about.
Moving water with eggs makes them look messy, and the vinegar method messes with the texture of the whites slightly.
Don't get disappointed if it takes a few attempts before you get it right. Persistence is key.
Eventually like all things it becomes muscle memory, You can do it with your eyes closed, or a hangover.
So as always thanks for bearing with me, Hope you have a great day. Next time you need to get some brownie points, poached eggs. They make everything look fancy.
Big thanks again to 
All photos taken on Ed and my Chinesium phones An honor 10 and whatever one hes got.