Hello, hivers! How are you? It's been a while since I posted my intro blog, I've gone into deep thinking about what story I will be sharing— So I've decided to share my past stories and experience.
Life is hard, and we all have been through different phases in life. We shine, we collapse, but we never give up, for life doesn't stop when you make a mistake. It doesn't mean you fail; you know you fail when you stop trying.
5 years ago, I was facing one of my fears— abandonment. I guess it was just put up in me like a habit since I never got the chance to see my biological father (he's still alive) personally; he left for good. So then, growing up was never easy because I wasn't allowed to show my weaknesses; expressing my feelings was hard for me since I was a kid. Life gets complicated later on after knowing the tragedies before I was born, but I got over it somehow as the years passed.
I still have that fear of abandonment, but I'm not a people pleaser now. I can do things alone now, I can do things I thought were impossible for me to do 10 years ago, I met new friends, and migrated to new places to places, and that is how I knew— life wasn't that hard when you know for yourself you're gonna be okay at the end of the day. I am a religious person with no other belief but god himself, No saints, No fiesta's and rituals, Just God and Prayer.
2 years ago, I met someone who doesn't believe in god– an atheist. He was fascinated with the works of the devil where all of his accounts were named after the devil, all his words, habits, and the way he thought– I'm not in the place to judge him but I respect his perspective, I never tried to persuade him to believe in god when we talked about god he mimics him and try to questions things that aren't answerable by the knowledge I have.
We became friends somehow, we relied on each other's knowledge when it came to academic activities and connections, and we became known to the school— but he was on another level of fame; he was getting adored, loved, and appreciated while I stayed being me. I am not famous, but I was known for making art, singing songs, and playing instruments, and like that, I gained acquaintances.
I am an introverted person, and I don't communicate a lot on a day-to-day basis in life unless needed to survive. But I like meeting new people and learning about myself, like hobbies, talents, and their dislikes and likes.
So far in life, I become more conscious about myself and the surroundings I am in, although I was late developing my self-consciousness and my care for my environment, the good thing is that– I developed it still! hehe
I have been an academic achiever, whose reputation I cannot risk at all. I did not grow up in a healthy family; I was pressured a lot as the eldest daughter. They said I should not fail and be a good example to the young girls in our family. I was pressured to the point that I got so anxious that I could hardly breathe and randomly cried at night without reason.
slowly right now, I am healing myself– even if I wasn't the one who made me bleed but I was responsible for who I am, So instead of just feeling weak I become aware that I should not just let this negativity of my mind control over me because I am in control so I will choose what I am, Who I am and Who I will be, I cannot guarantee own safety but I can guarantee I won't fail.
So here I am as a freshman college student BS in psychology, Living life and healing myself.