I woke up with a start. It is 09-00. I am late for work.
I am parched,startled. Covered in sweat. The raindrops bang against my window. I am startled, but not surprised.
Another day, another nightmare, another burnt toast, another burnt tongue, another coffee spill, another document forgotten.
It is 10-00. I am late for work.
The traffic slowed me down. It was the highlight of my day. So much life outside the window once the raindrops faded away. New voices shouting, shouting new insults. New faces passing by, passing by with indifference. Ignorance. A collision of so many new worlds, all of different shapes, everyone lost in their own. But not me. I was lost in theirs, not mine.
Not until I reached my office.
It is 13-00. How is it not the weekend already?
Dull, artificial light. Dull, artificial people. The air smells of coffee and burnt toast. From my small cubicle I hear the printer whirring, Jameson’s figurines falling, and my boss yelling down my ear.
Wasn’t Friday yesterday? Wasn’t it?
It is 17-00. I am waiting for the cab to arrive. Jameson is making another attempt to interact with me. I don’t wave back.
The driver greets me. I pay him in cash.
It is the same every day, every day is the same. Maybe if something was different, maybe indifferent I would care more. Or am I making excuses?
I call my girlfriend at 20-00. Her voice through the answering machine is soothing.
It’s the best time of the day. I tell her about my day. My boss is impressed; I may yet get that promotion. My friends were cheering for me.
Once she comes back tomorrow, I’ll talk to her for hours.
I ordered takeout at 23-00. The TV talked to me more quietly. The pizza was from my favorite place just a street across. The taste was good as usual, but familiar.
What is the shape of my world? A circle or a downward spiral? I’m staring at it front and centre, and I can’t find any depth. I only see one shape.
I need a new direction. Perhaps some more dimension. Maybe, a new angle.
It is 23-30. I’m trying to fall asleep.
It is 23-40. I’m trying to fall asleep.
It is 24-03. Why am I not asleep?
It is 24-47. I cannot escape.
It is 25-00. Why am I not out?
Why am I not out?
WHY AM I NOT OUT?
I woke up with a start. It is 08-59. I am late for work.
