I wish I didn't worry about posting. I have a lot of stuff. I don't see any point in just putting it in box in the closet. So I'm going to put it out there. I can't understand why I'm worried about down votes... It's totally irrelevant. I mean I have no idea if I will ever see any withdrawal to cash anymore. I don't even know if it's possible in this country. I actually feel sick right now. Having no one to trust to speak to is really hard. I romanticize the past when I had no cell phone and no computer and no one knew where we were anytime. I didn't realize then how great it was to not be in fear 24 hours a day. Cognitive dissonance and conflictual realities. I Know I should be able to let it go and it just returns and returns over and over