This journey through the gates is quite the adventure. Each sun-earth pair of gates / Gene Keys, it’s own fractal chapter/level - and yet more fractal experiences & levels within.
20.1 started true to the energy. “Superficiality” - yet not all shadow, with exaltation “as an art form” (line 1, Rave I Ching)… I DID buy the snowboard (and bring Peace & Satisfaction, it did). For all the stigma around the “superficiality” of materialism, there’s also much BEAUTY to be appreciated in some superficialities. Likewise, while Rudd wrote of the Superficiality of conversation losing its appeal at the Siddhi level - and I typically abhor & avoid small talk like the plague - the day ended with an unusually long chat with neighbors, flowing with a dearly-appreciated Simplicity of connection & PRESENCE. The talk, preceded by a sunset walk so potently true to Chetan Parkyn’s 20.1 take: “You find beauty and harmony in apparent simplicity, i.e. a panoramic view.” Yup, literally. Complete with the “Self-Assurance” of feeling ‘life must be looking after things well, to have ended up here,’ in awe of the MAJESTY of the moment. And the following morning, waking slowly & blissfully with the sense: ‘so THIS is PRESENCE. This vibration… MAJESTY.’ Granted, it was not a tone set for the rest of the 20-34 epoch. The Shadow states (and tense awakenings with Uranian-ish jolts/shocks) were yet to come.
Timing impeccable, the shadow of my personality 34.3 Jupiter was brought to light fast. I’d spotted some “subtle low-key condescension,” and called it out directly as that on a social network… ending up with a DM from the community moderator warning of “anti-harassment” policies. At first I was like “WHAT? Condescension is ok here if cloaked in sugary language, but to call it out is a problem??” But I could feel the lessons in effect, not even yet having dived in to Gene Keys: that incredibly FINE line between FORCE and STRENGTH. And the tendencies for the “bullying” shadow to express through communication rather than a more constructive use of the energy. Yep. Perhaps the Jupiterian amplification around ‘beliefs & justice’ in 5th (whole sign) house of play & creativity, I’ve often rationalized swervyness on that line with writing online - but here came the call to refine awareness of subtleties & nuances in how that 34 Power is used/abused. (And how/where those habits may involve fixations on ‘Superficialities’ - versus exercising the energy behind “Self-Assurance” by letting some things slide and/or expressing what’s needed through subtlety of STRENGTH rather than the Force of directness sometimes. Perhaps part undefined ego/heart “trying to prove” and undefined spleen “holding on too long,” oh God the immeasurable suffering caused over the years by pushing just that little bit over the fine line. How much thwarted potential, lost & missed opportunities, bridges burned consequential of lacking PRESENCE; rejection of Majesty as mind & ego grasped for control & certainty believed to be found in ‘Superficialities.’)
The shadow of FORCE continued at the forefront of awareness. True to the name of the gate, there was much Contemplation of/around it - paradoxically, feeling almost ‘forced’ by the energy itself as observing how exhausting (and ‘bullying’ to the body) habitual patterns of trying to FORCE things is - humbled, brought into Present NOW as the default alternative. Though as Ra wrote/spoke of in the Line Companion, that PRESENCE to what is in the NOW includes the ugly & shadowy, not all as poetic & flowery as Rudd paints. As said in Stephen Karcher’s “Navigating Change” translation of hexagram 20, “Particularly look at what you usually do not want to see. Have confidence. Examining things deeply will bring you the insight you need. When you have made the preparations the new energy will arrive.” Wouldn’t part of us all like to skip to the all-sweet Gifts & Siddhis, but PRESENCE can not not exclude the shadows; we can’t Force our way to faster change; nor can we bypass the Contemplation (taking place with/through Presence) of the Shadows necessary to illuminate, transmute and integrate them and unlock the Gifts.
There was struggle with the wordings of 20’s Shadow & Gift… “Self-Assurance” almost feeling misleading - the state described, seeming to be more one of surrender to & trust in life; the “assuredness” less to do with “self” than a faith & confidence in Cosmic Order. “Superficialities…” it took time (and Contemplation) to sink deeper into the meaning & energy: constructs of mind & ego (versus full Presence to here & now). Yet perhaps another perfect fractal experience; the hangups around the words, meanings and understandings a direct embodiment of the Shadow state - lost in the Superficialities of those mind-rooted constructs, trying to read/interpret the ‘map’ vs. actually BE in ‘the territory’.
Then again, maybe this also why Ra apparently once said every person could eventually write their own translations of the I Ching, as sometimes language can be misleading; everyone’s unique experiences of the energies & archetypes not always matching how others have articulated theirs; different individuals speaking in/from their own frequencies, whether describing the same patterns in different language or giving voice to different perspectives - each priceless pieces to the larger puzzle, resonating based on fractals to activate discoveries other sets of language-codes cannot.
And, the fixation on Superficialities of the wordings, another fractal of 20.2: the “dogmatist ~ restrictive and intentionally limited understanding,” as reflected in language… though periods of restricted focus essential to going deeper into that specific limited area.
Many potent reflections on the shadow dynamics at play in my (conflicted) relationship with making music… having been long-aware of the futility of trying to FORCE creativity in any way, though more light shining into the “Superficiality” side. Why the impatience & frustration with the organic pace of projects -> “what ‘superficial’ ideas have been behind that?” Feeling the pressure of FORCE, driven by mind & ego, wanting to push their agendas of “productivity” to get “results” on their timeline - versus the energy behind “Self-Assuredness,” harmonizing with/to a natural pace & flow. Experiencing moments of the MAJESTY in projects… seeing it’d never fully bloom so long as FORCEd as caught in ‘Superficialities’ rather than stewarding their organic development over time with PRESENCE. Perhaps STRENGTH as the embodiment of (and skill expressed with) PRESENCE -> expression of flowing talent as COMPETENCE. “Self-Assuredness,” cultivated as stepping out of our own way and witnessing the powerful creative/Cosmic energies work through us as surrendering to the process.
And my personality Chiron 20.1… this one was elusive. Until day 5, hitting like a ton of bricks. Ha. Those emotional waves sometimes, holy good God. The “spike” thematic of my 12-22 (perhaps compounded with Mercury in Gate 15 of Extremes)… like a full spiralling-out into the abyss. Of course, waves ebb & flow; a good sleep, and reset for day 6… more ‘evidence’ for “Self-Assuredness” that things always come around. Though still questioning: was it because of the Chiron, this chapter seemed so tricky? Even with the PRESENCE to the shadow dynamics of mind wrestling with Rudd’s wording and a logical knowing of many of the reasons there are for the ‘trust in universe’ integral to “Self-Assuredness,” was it the influence of that Chironic ‘wound’ at root of whatever schizm felt to make this round ‘stickier’ than the others with the Gifts seeming so much more elusive? 🤷♂️
Certainly, “shadow work” is essential on this path to unveil some of those answers, ‘deprogram the spells,’ etc. Though ain’t it also quite the slippery slope - multi-billion dollar industries built on perpetual “healing” and “personal development,” many in deceptive loops as the mind tries to control the process, buying into promises of reaching the “higher” states through what may, in essence, just be more “Superficialities” of mind & ego in their Rationalization of Complexity. As the saying goes, “what you focus on, expands.” And 34.6: “knowing when enough is enough.”
Final observations: like all sacral energies, the Power of the 34 needs an outlet “How will it be expressed? Through what outlet?” Perhaps the answer is simple, demonstrating the principles of polarity yet again…
At the lower octave: (filtered) through mind & ego’s constructs (“Superficialities.”) Distorted. Entropically. Forced. With & as Interference, deaf to correct Orientation.
At higher octaves: organic flow. Harmonized spontaneity. PRESENT to its individual expression, untainted with mind’s attempts to Force according to conditioned ideas & agendas. As STRENGTH, “Self-Assured.”
But either way, that sacral 34 Power has to go somewhere. Whether destructively implosive through circuitry obstructed via programmed fears & shadow gunk {and bleeding outwards adding more discord to the collective}, or constructively explosive like beautiful fireworks and breakthrough displays of passion {externalized as inner alchemical fires refine character} aligned with heart & soul, pulled out in correct timing as honoring Strategy & Authority.
Maybe sometimes we do have choice as to which. And maybe sometimes there is “no choice” as “the passenger,” with even the uglier, shadowy phases of the cycles necessary to the journey for expanding awareness, learning and mutating through… ultimately increasing our capacity to exercise the choice we do have with greater discernment, wisdom and clearer intentions. Which do open up access to more STRENGTH, MAJESTY, and the SELF-ASSUREDNESS to flow more gracefully and be PRESENT to/with all of the good, bad, ugly, and beauty in it all along the way.
Or some sh!t. This could still just be alot of excess words & Superficialities talking. Ha. 🤷♂️
(and ending with some random inspiration from urbantheory and syntheticwaveforms...)
