Random writings and some deep shit...

First of all I want to apologize to you all for not being around as much as I would like to be lately. I really do miss all the content that you post like the super awesome music that is made here, reading the amazing stories you write, and seeing the great art work. Not to mention just you yourselves in all your unique beauty. But... unfortunately it has been because I am trying to focus on my mental health right now.

Now, I am not telling you this to get pity or make excuses for not being around, just explaining what has been going on lately. When I was in my early 20's and having some medical issues, I was seeing a therapist and psychologist when they diagnosed me with Bipolar Depression and severe anxiety. Anyway, long story short... I learned to control it on my own but now it's getting out of hand once again, in fact probably the worst it's ever been. I don't take medication because of the stomach problems that 19+ pills a day gave me 15 years ago (plus I'm broke and have no insurance). So I have been trying to find ways to control it once again on my own, which has been a hard thing to do. There have been some long days in bed, being a hermit in my house, and wondering about my future. And as you can understand, getting on the computer has been tough for me when even waking up in the morning is a chore. Call it a midlife crisis or whatever but it's been hard. Please take no insult or think that I am gone... Because I am still here. I'm just trying to fix myself before doing other things in life right now.

So with all that out of the way, I wanted to share some things that I have written in the past few months. I also figured it would help me get out of this funk and post more. Because even though my manic up and down episodes are horrible for my life, they seem to produce some good creativity and a flow of writings for me. It is like my music and it's a rock in my life and helps me through. So at least there is a positive in it! Haha!

This is a poem that I wrote for my closest friend who is my moon sister. She has also been a huge help in all of this craziness going on. It was her birthday and being the broke bitch that I am, I decided that I would write her a special something to let her know how important she was to me.

There you have the first of hopefully many coming in the next few weeks. I hope that you are all doing well and I send you the deepest of love in this cold, harsh world. Remember to always be kind and keep rockin'!