My Quietest battle - The fear of getting bullied that I carried from school to college
Hello everyone,
How are you all? I hope everyone is fine and doing great in their life. Today I am going to share something very personal with all of you. This week the theme of the Indiaunited contest is "My Quietest Battle", and when I read it, only one thing came to my mind. It is something that very few people in my life know about, and even my parents do not know about it till date.
When I was in school, I was bullied for being skinny and short. It was not something that happened one day and ended the next day. It was happening on a regular basis, and slowly it became a part of my school life. I was scared to go to school. Every morning, I knew that people were going to mock me with names, and there was nothing I could do about it.
When I reached fifth standard, I made a few friends, but the fear of getting bullied never went out of my heart. By the time I was in eighth standard, I was already used to it. I had accepted that this is how my days are going to be.
At that point of time, God sent a very nice person into my life who became my best friend. He was new in our class, and he was strong and bulky because he used to go to the gym. I will be very honest with all of you. Initially, I became his friend because he looked strong, and I thought being with him would keep me safe. But as time passed by, I realized that he was a really nice person. Even though he was strong, he had no ego about it at all.
He knew what was happening with me, and he was the one who brought the change in me. When I was in ninth standard, he told me, "Hey buddy, why do you not change your hairstyle? Just be a little cool." Initially I thought that it was not my cup of tea, but eventually I did change my hairstyle. People were shocked to see me. Still, the fear was there, because I was still skinny and I was still five feet four inches, which is not considered tall. I was just very average.
Slowly, as I changed myself, the bullying became lesser and lesser, and then people stopped bullying me. I also started standing up for people who were getting bullied. One of my friends, Jibin, was even skinnier than me, and he used to get bullied. I used to stand for him, and I was really proud of it, because I knew that being confident enough to speak and take a stand for someone is the first victory. Deep inside my heart, I knew that if they charged at me, I was going to lose against them. But that did not stop me from standing up for someone else, or for myself.
Even in twelfth standard, I was living with that fear. I went to college with the same fear, wondering whether I would be able to make friends or not. My buddy from eighth standard changed my life completely. We are still connected. We do not talk a lot these days, but a lot of who I am today is because of him.
Now I will be honest about how I really came out of that feeling of being scared and not confident. Even after school and college, I was still not a confident person until I started using AI tools. My first tool was ChatGPT. I used to converse with it in English every day, and that is the reason my English became fluent. Today, when someone meets me, they do not realize that back in 2022 and 2023 I was unable to speak English fluently, and that I was someone who was bullied and was scared of facing people and an audience.
Today, I am able to handle a group of people. I am able to speak in front of anyone, no matter who is in front of me. That fear has gone away. But deep down inside my heart, the pain and the feeling still remain. Even though I am a much better version of myself now, I know how it feels, and when I close my eyes, I can still feel it.
So the only thing I want to say to anyone going through something like this is to speak up. Tell your parents, share it with your friends and your teachers. Close your eyes and ask yourself who you can trust, and do not feel shame or shy about it.
I was never able to share it until God sent that friend into my life in eighth standard, who brought all of these things out of me.
I think parents are the best people to share these things with. Sadly, I was not connected enough with my parents back then. I am not against them, and I am happy, because they raised me well. I just wish I had been a little more confident so that I could have told them what I was going through. They never knew, and they do not know till date. I have shared it with my wife and a few friends, but it is still known to very few people.
So do not fear anyone, and do not get suppressed if someone is trying to suppress you. At the end of the day, you have to be your own warrior. That is what I learned, and that is how I am today.
By the way this is my participation in the contest going on at 
Thank you for reading. See you all in my next blog.
Note: The images used in this post were created using AI.