Okay, maybe I need to change my taste for doors

Baahahah! You're funny. But it IS the doors you choose, right?

he insane effects of PMS, sleeplessness

Yeah, me too - except perimenopause.

money does not pretty much excite me on a cellular level anymore especially when I know deep down what will cost me again to get that.

Yep. When people say 'why don't you just get another job' - that. Including as you say, toxicity trauma. Are we living parellel lives right now?

probably just treat everything just as means to an end and not take everything personally anymore (easier said than done because I'm passionate about what I do). There are so many other doors of opportunity anyway - this is the beauty of life. I no longer want to overanalyze things. I just want to let things be. All this overthinking does is suck the joy out of me. And I'm done focusing too much in the past and the future.

I hear that x 1000000!!!

Gosh, it'd be hard to move out of the city. Are you looking to save for a tiny home? Then maybe the means to the end would be the key - go do the job for say a year, but keep looking for other escape routes. I can understand why you applied - it has give you an escape route so that's awesome! But I also understand the anxiety.

Sadly in the end only you can make the decision. Are there any other job opportunities on the island? What island do you live on? Where do you live? I'm curious now.

I really related to this post as I'm in a similiar situation, although I've just made the decision in my head. Still, there's that niggling anxious person in side of me worrying I've done the wrong thing. Gah! Why do we have to work jobs at all!