We are DIY royalty in our own minds. It helps when people validate our Queenness and Kingness by praising our ability to crack on with a job without procrastinating. How do you find the time, they say. How do you know what to do? We smile smugly with our paint spattered crowns and survey what we've done in the two weeks since settlement with a little bit of pride, and try not to worry about what's to come, since it's not seemly for kings and queens to look rattled.

Jamie's pride and joy and the whole reason for existance, the Shed, has now been epoxy'd. It stinks. He is yet to create a door that will suit - the driveway slopes downwards, so the garage door can't lift up and accept a Series Land Rover into the maw. A roller door, perhaps, might be better.

The walls have been removed from the living and kitchen areas, and the laundry has disappeared. The eighties carpet hidden underneath tiles has been thrown into the skip. I would like to say that we did this ourselves, but for the very first time in our lives, we got a builder to do it. The window that once looked out onto the neighbours has been filled in. We will have windows to the north (the sunny side) and a sliding door instead. HOld this image in your head so you can be awed when the windows go in and the kitchen is done.

Meanwhile, I make do with a camp kitchen. One must drink endless tea and coffee and make sandwiches. We have a 12V fridge in the hallway.

We also painted a little - the bathroom, and used up extra paint we had lying around on the ceiling and walls. It'll serve as an undercoat - I've selected some paint colours with the help of Chat GPT. To say Chatty has been useful in this regard is an understatement. I mean it can tell you quickly why a particular colour will work, adjust according to your needs (no peach or grey undertones, thanks) and explain why and where to use the colour andp particular sheen. I chose colours in an hour - I think it'd take me days to consider my choices if I didn't have Chatty. If only it could paint for us - but we've decided to buy a sprayer, and are hoping it will be quicker.

The roof does not need replacing, but we have no insulation there, so we do need a quote to see how much that will cost. It's one job my King doesn't want to do - he doesn't want to die or injure himself sliding off said roof.

I did say I wish my son was a builder. Perhaps this got him thinking about his worth, as that night he dreamt I slept with a builder, and he was so angry and annoyed he divorced me. Disappointed, too. I laughed. Builders listen to KRock and have pot bellies and watch football. The hot ones are too young for me and have moustaches, as is the trend these days. The electrician was so vacuous he couldn't even level two light switches on the same wall. I am loyal to my King.

If you missed it, the bathroom has also been freshened up, and the green paint gone. In a year or two we might find enough money to redo the bathroom, but it's liveable now. I look forward to a new window that isn't frosted, so I can see the sky.

We have cut down trees and pulled out shrubs and removed tons of rubbish we don't need, like rotting garden edging and tiny rocks that are ugly and serve no purpose. We've filled two skips with rubbish to the grand total of $800, which seems like far too much money to spend on cleaning up one's house, but that is Australia for you. And people wonder why people fly tip. At least the green waste isn't too expensive to get rid of.

I can't imagine we will do this again. This will be our forever home. I'm feeling mournful that we didnt' do it earlier, but the time comes when it comes. I hope we are healthy enough to enjoy it, and by investing time now, we can enjoy a bit of rest and enjoy being in this beautiful town.