let me make this clear:

I don't want to

subscribe to your mailing list,
sign up for text alerts,
give you my postcode

(why do you look at me funny
when I say no?)

I will not write you a review

lovely soft loo roll,
would wipe again

and I do not need more ads

(I just bought a year's supply)

unless, of course,
you're paying me.

I don't want pop-ups,
or chatbots

(giving them names doesn't help)

or a subscription
that saves me five percent,

or a welcome voucher
for a club I never asked to join.

and another thing—

I don't want to be asked
five times in the same shop

if I need a hand.

If I do,

I'll let you know.