Will It Be Worth It?

That question constantly pops out of nowhere whenever I’m doing something that’s really tiring. I mean will all the efforts I’ve spent pay off? I can’t help but be impatient especially when I felt that nothing seemed to improve in my current situation. It’s like I’m chasing the wind because I don’t know if those goals of mine are attainable, but human as I am, I continue moving forward to it. Like a moth attracted to light, I had my eyes set on them, however, at some point, I still felt unmotivated.

I don’t know but lately, everything felt like a drag for me. My life was somehow at its blandest point because everything I did felt dragging—even sharing this feeling felt like a chore for me. Most of them felt like an obligation I needed to get done with, and I really don’t like obligations. It’s not that I hate them, but I just don’t like them either. I’m not new to this kind of feeling, but as I grew older, I felt more the urgency to overcome it. Every time I felt it, I found myself slacking off and as soon as I realized what I was doing, I felt guilt. The guilt of wasting time on something that I find trivial.

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m sharing this if I find everything I do dragging, and to tell you honestly, it’s somehow my way of trying to overcome that feeling. I really believe that doing what I don’t want to do will train me to get used to my possible future routine. I know there’ll be a lot of bland and unmotivated days ahead, so I better be ready for it. Also, sharing the feelings I felt these days somehow made me feel better. I already learned my lesson the hard way before, so now I know that burdens and negative feelings shouldn’t be kept, instead, it’s better to share and let them go. So hopefully… this phase will pass for the Lenten season is fast approaching, and I don't want to start it with a heavy heart full of burdens and negativities.