Stepping Out

I don't want to go to prom that day.

Way back then, I was really antisocial. Socializing and talking to other people is really draining for me; that's why I tend to just stay alone and isolate myself from others. But that changed when I found people who I thought would understand me, and yes, they became my friends.

Weeks before our prom, we're already practicing our cotillion. All of the juniors were obligated to attend practices, so I have no choice but to also attend them. It's not that I don't like dancing, but dancing cotillion just doesn't sit well with me. The practices went on for days, and I was really tired and really bored with them.

"Hey, Gette, what heels are you going to wear during prom night?", Grid asked me while eyeing me inquisitively.

I frowned at the mention of heels because I remembered a not-so-good experience I had wearing them.

"I don't know... any heels will do as long as they're the two-inch types," I said nonchalantly as I trudged my way towards the gym's bleachers.

"You're really a killjoy, Gette. I mean, aren't you excited for it? It's a once-in-a-lifetime ex—

"Twice a lifetime experience, Grid. We'll be having prom next year for our senior year. So what's the fuss?", I asked bluntly as I dumped my heavy bag on the bleachers.

"Oh yeah, yeah—there will be another prom next year, so what? That will be another different experience! So get some motivation, will you? I know this year's prom will be a magical experience for us!", she said excitedly as we skipped our way down the bleachers.

I sighed and just gave her a tentative smile. That afternoon was our last practice, so I have a little motivation to endure through it. The gym was starting to get crowded as a stream of people came in when the second bell rang.

"Gette, Grid, come here!", Lili called as she enthusiastically waved her arms to us.

"Geeehh! Tomorrow's finally prom night! So who's ready for it?", Lili rambled as she took my arms and squeezed them as if she's releasing all her caged excitement.

"No one...", I said tiredly.

"Oh, come on, Gette... I never raised you to be like that. We're supposed to brave each new experience with an excitement and positivity that would outmatch any bad moments that will come to seize us!", Lili chided in a faux maternal voice.

Grid laughed while I just looked at Ryl, who also looked as bored as I am. I just gave Lili a small smile before she patted our backs gently.

"Yeah—that smile! Smile, people! We're going to attend the whole prom night tomorrow! And no ditching Gette... I know you'll find a reason to go home after the attendance," Lilian said knowingly.

I scoffed at her as she continued to prattle about what we'd do tomorrow. She and Grid were really excited, but I know I will be more bored than excited tomorrow.

I sighed as I gazed at the staff who were decorating our gym.

'If only the attendance wouldn't be mandatory...", I reverized. 'Then I wou—'

As if answering my prayer, an announcement about our attendance tomorrow was made—and it isn't mandatory anymore! I almost jumped in joy when I heard it.

"Oi, oi! Don't tell me your planning not to attend the prom tomorrow... Come on, people, it's a once in a lifetime experience. We shouldn't waste our opportunity!", Lili said with a voice full of conviction.

Ryl and I exchanged glances. She shrugged, and I sighed.

"Well, not really... We can just skip this year and attend next year's prom," Ryl suggested.

_Source

Lili scowled. "But people, next year is another experience! It's just a few hours of socializing, so please attend it. We're best friends, right? Through thick and thin, we'll be there for each other..."

I almost snorted at how Lili has grown sentimental.

'For all I know, Lili is just excited for prom because of Ervi,' I thought while looking at her hopeful face.

Ryl scoffed, and I nodded, and as if interpreting those gestures as a yes, Lili hugged us tightly.

"We'll surely have fun!", she exclaimed as she dragged us down the bleachers to have our planners signed.

'Yeah, I hope so...'

That night, I wore an all-black outfit. Black dress, black hair ribbon, and back shoes. It's kinda my way of protesting because I'm not really fond of attending social events, but for the sake of my persistent best friend, I gave in.

The gym was well decorated, and a myriad of lights shone upon us when we entered the gym. Lili giggled in anticipation, while I just slouched in my seat. The music was the usual mainstream romantic songs, which I'm not really fond of.

'This night would be better if they're gonna play Last Night on Earth', I thought while silently humming its tune.

The prom night went smoothly. It seems that everyone was enjoying it except me. Lili and Grid were already dancing, while Ryl was nowhere to be found.

I stood up and went to the comfort room. I badly wanted moments of silence, so I decided to use the ones that were at the back of our gym. I looked up at stark dark sky without stars, and I silently pondered on what were the fun things I've done this night.

"Nothing...", I muttered grimly.

I've always thought that attending events that I didn't want with my best friends would change my experience.

'But it turns out, I was wrong.'

I went back to the gym with the intention of relieving the heavy feelings that were starting to occupy me.

I made my way back to our seats and saw that they were all empty. I looked around to look for them, but it seems they aren't inside the gym. I continued to wander alone, hoping to find them, but as the moments progressed, I began to grow more uncomfortable.

The crowd slowly became restless as the night went on. The random stares that I've received feel like lasers burning through my skin.

My anxiety was gradually rising, and after moments of wandering alone, I suddenly realized how pathetic I looked.

An OPM song that I liked played, but I don't feel like singing. I'm already drained, and I just wanted to go home.

I went back to my seat and picked up my bag when I heard a familiar giggling. I looked to where that came from and saw Lili, Grid, Ryl, and our other friends entering the gym. While walking, they are taking pictures...

'Without me,' I realized.

I closed my eyes briefly before letting out a sharp breath. I slung my bag on my shoulder, and I strided my way out of the gym.

I blindly walked swiftly towards the exit when I bumped into someone. I looked up and saw it was one of Ervi's friends, Zaak.

"Are you okay?", he asked with a tinge of concern.

'I'm not,' I thought.

However, I looked away and nodded. He doesn't look convinced, but I don't care about what he thought at the time. I then muttered my apologies for bumping him.

I know that he's about to say something, but I'm not in the mood for a chat, so I left him after mumbling goodbye.

The sky was the color of ink when I gazed at it. The stars seemed to be lost at that moment, and it felt lonely not seeing them.

"Through thick and thin, my ass", I harshly sputtered as I kicked some pebbles in the ground.

I sat down at the foot of the grotto for a while and stared at the pitch-dark sky. I closed my eyes and felt the cold breeze on my bare skin.

"It felt better this way...", I uttered silently, and like clockwork, it started to drizzle.

I stood up and walked silently towards the gates. There were already people going out.