Save the best for last...I often heard this saying whenever there are contests or shows. However, is that really true? Well in my case, the last ones are simply the ones that didn't get picked at first, but anyway ended up included because there aren't many choices. Yeah, they're basically the ones that you chose because you have no better choices—in short, the last resort. Unfortunately, I'm often identified as one—not the best nor the really worst, yet the last resort one can consider better than having none.
Knowing that doesn't really affect me that much because I'm used to working alone. Perhaps that trait made me more like the last resort type of person because I'm not an effective team player. Of course, I know the importance of working together, and I already shared before how it became more significant as I grew up. However, I still struggle with it, along with the fact that no one actually wants me in their team...It's either they're just a member short or they need some brains in their team. It's kinda sad and ego-hurting that no one sees me as their very first option, but what do I do if that's only how they see me?
I can't change their perception, nor do I have the intention to do so because I'm not much of a meddler. I prefer to observe and to stay in the background because it's less hassle that way. I know I can't totally shake off that feeling of longing for validation from other people because I guess it's normal for us all to yearn for some appreciation and affirmation that we matter to other people. And I've always chased that validation before...I yearned for greater things and tried to reach them, only to realize that they're too far and they aren't destined to be achieved by me. Since I'm kinda stubborn during my younger years, I didn't accept that immediately. My mindset at that time was too idealistic—that everything would be possible as long as I worked hard.
But of course, in real life, it doesn't work that way. It takes more to achieve what you want, and if they aren't for you, no matter how hard you work, you'll eventually lose it. The validation I thought would make me happy ended up making me more miserable, yet a life-changing disability made me realize there's more to life than chasing those. I learned that to feel validated, you need to recognize yourself first because if you don't, it's like chasing wind—you'll never really achieve it.
Being the last resort is, after all, not bad because sometimes it is the ones that got so underestimated that shocks the most. You may not be important or the first option in the environment you're currently in, but who knows...perhaps you're just in the wrong place and with the wrong people. For someone out there definitely sees you as their first option, and I know the same goes for me and all of us.
All of the pictures used were taken by yours truly, ridgette.
