I am socially awkward, irrationally fearful of family gatherings, have an absolute abhorrence to Christmas, why I hate my birthday and why I have felt like an absolute failure my entire life even though I have earned some great achievements and life experience.

You just described me to a T.

Thank you so much for this response. I do hope that my speaking up will empower others besides just me. Otherwise, what's the point, right? My family will never read this. So it's not like I want to lash back at them. It's just a personal step in the journey for me, being able to talk about it. I'm sure it will be the same for you.