Hi Rhonda

Wow, what a powerful post! I am reading this at exactly the right time and see so many similarities with our stories, it is quite surreal to be honest.

I admire your courage on not being silent. I have not yet reached that point. Perhaps one day I will reveal my story, but you are so right - your ability to tell it will help people probably more than you know. The problem with narcissistic family dynamic and dysfunction is that anything that occurs that doesn't fit the social grade score of being known by anyone outside of the family is rebuked and they will do absolutely anything and everything in their power to stop anything from smearing their image. I know it all too well and seems to be a very common trait amongst dysfunctional families.

Also rules for thee but not for me - which really just pisses me off no end. They are allowed to be as abusive, discouraging, demeaning and outright nasty as they like but you are never ever allowed to question that behaviour or call out that they are frauds and hypocrites. They will also never own or take accountability for their own bad behaviour - it's always somebody else's fault. Sigh. It's a sad reality when you grow up in that environment.

It has taken me years to unravel why I am socially awkward, irrationally fearful of family gatherings, have an absolute abhorrence to Christmas, why I hate my birthday and why I have felt like an absolute failure my entire life even though I have earned some great achievements and life experience. When your core values are self defeating and critical to the point of paralysis, you start asking the difficult questions and the answers aren't easy to digest.

It's not an easy road to travel but posts like this are very encouraging along the way reminding us that our reality is our own and should not be pummelled into something else by someone else who has a very skewed recollection of events. The truth is a powerful tool in self discovery and growth.

Thank you for sharing.