I need to write this down just to release the feeling.
It is overwhelmingly amazing how two people can go from strangers to lovers to complete strangers again. I mean, after all the good times you have spent with each other, for you to lose it in a flick of finger, is just, overwhelming.
I started this blog because for weeks now, I have been feeling a roller coaster ride of emotions. I do not want to dump it on other people because I do not want them to feel bad or to absorb the negative energy. Likewise, I also do not want to bring in the office a huge noticeable brown dairy that I have owned since 2013. I guess, the best way to right down my thoughts is through this blog, which my co-workers have no idea of existing. (Thank you crypto for creating such safe place). And given that this website is made of immutable series of ledgers, no one can suddenly take my post down, at least.
So, I met Luke in a dating site sometime in January 2019. During which time, I had a sketchy on-the-rocks online "relationship" with a shady white guy from California. By shady I meant, the guy wanted me to go to California and meet him. But even before I arrived in California, I learned that he was lying to me about his profession. But already bought the tickets to California, there is no point of turning back. I prayed to God and asked Him: "Lord, I cannot stop this trip to California anymore as I have already booked my tickets and lodging. But please do send a sign or something so that I have a legit reason not to meet up with this lying sketchy Californian guy".
Just so you know, I am not a wild wild girl. And the only reason I signed myself up in dating sites is because I want to have a white boyfriend. I am attracted to white guys. But truth be, told back then, I have never met in person anyone that I have met online. Moreover, I was innocent as fuck - I haven't tried holding hands, kissing and you guess it, doing the act with anyone. Needless to say, I was a virgin, in every possible way there is.
Just to satisfy the curiosity, and to prepare myself for a possible meet-up with the sketchy Californian (even though I am highly hesitant to do so), I used again the dating app that was installed in my phone for 8 months without activity. I was loyal to the Californian whom I was talking to with for almost a year. But because security is at stake, I have to prepare for the meet. I used the app, set my location to Manila (where I live and not in California) and matched with a couple of white guys. I am pretty consistent with what I like. I like someone who is 10-12 years older than me (33-35 years old). Why? Because I think that these guys are mature enough to commit to a serious relationship. Moreover, they have exhausted all their worldly desires in their 20's. And this is probably the right age when people chose to settle down.
Do I want to settle down? I do. I do not like playing games as this is such a waste of time.
Going back, as I said, I matched with a couple of white guys. But in terms of consistency, only Luke kept on messaging for three straight days even without response. With that, I gave him my WhatsApp number and we continued chatting there. By the way, Luke is 35 year old Australian and I was 23 years old.
Well, at first, I was not that attracted to Luke. I did not even save his number right away. And the very first time he sent me a 9-minute long voice mail, I had to put it on replay for 4 times (yes, 4 times) because I cannot barely understand what he was saying. In addition, I was also chatting with a 35 year old Saudi Arabian diver who shared same interests as me - diving, swimming and photography. The Saudi Arabian calls and talks to me more than Luke does. But at first, I did not take any of these seriously. I just want to try to (1) meet someone I met online; and (2) have a proper date. So, I invited both of these guys to have a date, just one date, with me. Of course, I scheduled them on different dates.
But life, as it is, is a series on intersecting unexpected events. The Saudi Arabian had a shit show of a schedule and so did I. Result, we both did not make it to the date. So, I was left with one choice, the Australian guy (as I used to label him).
When Luke and I first went out on a date, I was sick. I just came home from a back-to-back-to-back series of regional meetings and activities. I was almost on the verge of canceling the date but, I considered how busy Luke was and how thoughtful of him to allot time in spite of his busy schedule. Also, I thought that had someone cancel on me hours before a date, I would be a little bit hurt. So regardless how stuffy my nose was or how heavy I felt that day, I rode an hour and half train ride from Quezon City to Makati just to "get this date over with".
I arrived a little bit late. Luke was already standing in front of H&M. And as the elevator rose from one floor to another, I had a better, real-life view on him. He is 5'9" tall, very white, with legit serious businessman vibes. I almost wanted to run back the steps of the elevators. But this is the point of no turning back, I was literally steps away from him. I was really, really nervous. And the first thing I said was "hi!" and I gave him a friendly hug. But shit, deep inside I really do not know what to do. I just followed my instincts.
It was 2 pm, and I thought that he already had lunch. But the first thing he said was "let's eat lunch". I just ate lunch at home. But first date, so, I do not know how to say no, so, I just said "yes, let's go eat lunch". Damn. Every time, Luke and I would re-live this memory, he would always say that I was nervous when we first met.
We ate lunch in a sushi place at Greenbelt. Then, we walked and walked through the bridges, malls and gardens of Greenbelt. Luke was the one talking most of time. At first , he was talking about the Fall of the Spanish Granada to the farm that his uncle John owns and how you should drip a slaughtered cow for months before chopping and cooking it to the effects of the different drugs that he used during his younger years. But honestly, of the 1000 words he said that day, I only understood like 500. His Australian accent was too strong for someone like me who have only talked to Americans. I mean, shit, this accent is driving me nuts.
That 4-hour date ended. Honestly, I thought he would not ask for another one. I thought I was so boring cause I barely participated in the conversation. But, of all surprises, he asked me to meet him again the next day, earlier time but same place.
----to be continued-----
