It was a Tuesday afternoon. Dinner was cooked, and plates sat in five spots at the table. The chandelier lit the room and all of us were seated for dinner. Except no one was eating.
My oldest and youngest were throwing food across the table at each other. Three hours of cutting vegetables and flipping ground beef, only for it to end up on clothes I’d have to wash. My middle child was getting skinnier by the day. Her collar bone struck out from her skin like a badge of honor, but it only terrified me. My husband, Chris, was shouting from his seat at the other end of the table, telling me how much of a lazy motherfucker I was, and how he couldn’t stand me.
I squeezed my fists so tight my nails were digging into my flesh. My heart was racing. My thoughts were overlapping each other and I felt like I was going insane. I had to get away from this chaos.
I rose so fast my vision grew spotty, and rushed upstairs.
“Yeah, run upstairs bitch! You should be ashamed of yourself, not raising these children right!” Chris called after me, but I pretended not to hear.
I fell into my bed, eyes pressed tight so tears wouldn’t fall. Why did my children hate each other? Why did they always cause trouble? Why did my husband hate me? Why did he ask me if I was dumb instead of how I’ve been?
“I should’ve just ran off,” I whispered. “I should’ve just ran off that morning when I had the chance. If Jakayla hadn’t stopped me…”
I stayed in the black abyss of pillows. I finally allowed tears to fall.
I cried until my throat hurt. When I got up again, it was silent. My room was dark. The curtains were closed. I opened them to reveal a dim blue sky, a big contrast to the golden evening I’d just survived.
“Jesus… Did I fall asleep?” I whispered, and heard stirring.
Chris was fast asleep in bed.
I was startled, and then looked at my hand. I was wearing the pink pearl bracelet I’d bought myself a few months ago.
Accompanying it was a dark black dress and matching flats. I was dressed exactly how I was That Day. That Day when everything could have changed in an instance.
And then I checked my phone and realised it was. September 1, 6:02 a.m. Four months ago.
My eyes widened. I looked at my purse, then Chris, then my purse again and grabbed it.
I rolled out the small suitcase in the closet and stuffed nearly everything in there. Clothes, make-up, passport, everything.
I turned to leave the closet when I saw Jakayla in the doorway.
She was skinny as usual, but her collar bone didn’t show yet. She rubbed her eyes. “Ma what are you doing?”
Once again, her light voice and big brown eyes were breaking me down. I couldn’t leave. Not when someone needed me.
Wait a minute.
“Jakayla, brush your teeth and then put your toothbrush in your backpack. In fact, put your favorite book in your backpack too. We have a long trip ahead of us and you’ll wish you brought something if you don’t.”
“Ma, where are we go-”
“Just do as I say!” I nearly screamed, and she nodded and rushed off to her room. I heard stirring and checked on Chris. His work alarm would go off in twenty minutes, so we wouldn’t have much time for a swift escape.
I checked on the other kids. They were fast asleep. I wrote notes for them, and left them each a chocolate from my secret stash.
Once Jakayla was dressed I took her hand and rushed downstairs to the Uber that was waiting for us.
“Ma, where are we going?” Jakayla asked again as I unlocked the door.
I didn’t have an exact place in mind, so I said, “Someplace hot.”
I waved at the driver and told him to head to the airport. I’d text Chris that Jakayla was with me once we were gone.
We sat together in the backseat, watching as we passed rows of neighborhood homes and turned onto the main road.
I looked over at Jakayla. How had she gotten so skinny? Poor thing was going through something.
“Jakayla, I know this doesn’t make sense right now, but it will later, trust me,” I rubbed her back. “I know you don’t get much attention at home, but you’re brilliant, and I promise to spend much more time with you from now on. Now, honestly, how have you been?”
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