Coughs
Pains in my chest
I'm feeling distressed
Afraid I'm going to die again
Trying to fight panic
Why must this be all so dramatic?
Will it take passing on to be free?
Shortness of breath
Trust me, I'm spent
Put this out of my head
Because it doesn't pay rent
But it stays to mutter
It craves clutter
And the cobwebs overcome the spiders
It's like being in a deep fog
The high beams only bring lights bounced back in your face
Reflected from the thickness of a white cloud
The rain keeps pounding
And my heart is sounding the trumpets
--Warning!--
--Warning!--
You're stepping in on chartered ground now
But the anxiety and company persists
I see myself curled up into a ball formation in the corner
Not one for make-up, but I see the blackness that my tears have cast streaming down my face
I cry for my losses, my dreams, broken promises, and this emptiness
One life
One life and its shattered
Barefoot tippy toeing the floor
Trying to get to that secure solid ground
But I stumble
Curse words tumble from my mouth as though they're all I have
Worth?
I question my worth and though I'm told I'm worth much I feel so little
So small
My tall stature belittles me
It's just a figure
Just a measurement on a damn scale
Is it who I am?
Every strain
Every inch of despair?
I used to mean something
I was someone's girl once
Someone's everything
I was a warm body to hold
A companion
A champion to my better half
I was once happy
Happy in love, work, life
But never to the point of perfection
For no life or one person is perfect
I long for shadows on the wall in the dark
I long for stability and wholeness
I long for longing and desire
I long for youth
They say "youth is wasted on the young"
Damn straight!
I could beat that bitch with experience now
She wouldn't know what hit her
And I'm winded
So long winded
My grandfather should be proud
I take after him, ya know
Guess I just needed to let it out
Needed to type again
Needed to breathe again
It's beginning to feel what I've been told
I will be made famous in death
"Love me now!" I cry
"Read me now!"
For, I cannot wait until death
I long to experience pure joy and bliss now
Exposure and widespread publication now
Impatient
Imperfect
Impeccable
Can you hear me?
For, I am nobody
Who might you be?
Perhaps together we could be somebody
What say you?
Almost midnight
Feeling fright yet?
Another day down and one to begin
Hang on
We will reach the new one passing moment to a time
The sound of the rain and peep toads is quite calming
Share a dream with me?
Won't you join in on the thrill?
Two hearts beating as one in utter passion
The point of this piece lost on me
Still there?
Do you even care?
Breathe a sigh as the curtain slowly lowers
For my soap box has been kicked out from under me
"Till next time" I croak
As the jesters pull me backstage
Bad Company, sing me home
Play that song
Good night!
Peace!
By, Tiffany Simar
3/8/17