When I first met my wife I had someone I would talk to regular about my mental health. He was my clinical psychologist.
I at the time didn't think I needed one. I thought having a psychologist was stupid and worthless -- I remember showing up because my health plan dictated that I do so, and I was doing so well with the alcohol.
I needed to stay on track so I could be free of this insanity forever.
For those that know me will know that I went through some severe trauma in my early twenties, and the result of that had me in a self destruct spiral for at least four years, and well...
This was me coming out of it.
This psychologist was like my end level boss before I can break free of the "system"
Can get back to living life again.
Anyway, I remember complaining to him about my wife, how she was constantly nagging, and it was annoying.
We had only been together for about a year and obviously the honeymoon period was beginning to relax a little and our warts were beginning to show!
He stopped me in my tracks -- he said, if you have a problem with her why don't you tell her yourself? She is your partner after all. Don't tell me, relationships are supposed to build each other up, not cut each other down.
I remember this point in time because all this dude did up until then was nod his head and agree with me.
It was a strange jolt in the harmony between him and I, and I felt it intensely. His demeanour changed, his sitting position stirred, and his features hardened.
I went from relaxed to alert.
It was a strange shift -- maybe this was the lesson he was trying to help me with.
Nevertheless I always took that memory away with me wherever I went and whenever I disagreed with the wife.
I say that because there have been parts of myself that I've sacrificed for the greater good, for better synonymy between my wife and I.
Things I would have never given up were she and I never to meet.
I love the wife dearly, and it shows because damn have I given up some of the stuff that I love so that we can have a better life together.
I mean of course there are surface level things that I've given up so that she can have a more peaceful life -- like Onions, she's allergic to them. Goes into shock. I haven't had Onions in years!
But then there are things like I'll probably never see a far and away holiday ever again no matter how rich I get or how comfortable I am.
She's just not physically able.
I've always wanted to travel the world but I think that's a dream I'll have to put to bed. I'll probably never see the sunrise on a water laden Maldives island like I've always wanted to.
I just can't travel anymore.
I've had friends in the past that she's not been comfortable with me being friends with -- women of course; not all of them, only the ones that were close to me when we were first together.
I still miss some of them today. She called them my beta orbiters, alas, to me they were my friends and I don't make them easily.
And she never demanded that I let them go, only I saw how it made her feel uncomfortable so I decided to give them up for her.
Honestly? If the shoe were on the other foot I'd probably not have been best pleased myself, and that's why I made the judgement call.
I remember how jealous I got when one of her French "male" friends called -- yeah. Hah.
I've also had to give up my late night visits to my friends. Sometimes I'd venture off to my friends house and not get back until 3, and whilst that was fine when I was a younger guy, now I have a wife and a kid, and she just can't manage at night as well as she used to.
So I gave that up for love and shortened my visits considerably.
Love is weird; it shapes you, it moulds you, it makes you do things you never thought you'd ever do or were ever capable of, but here you are -- doing these things anyway
For love.
And don't get me wrong; these sacrifices I make, it's not just for her -- it's for me too. My life beforehand was considerably worse without her.
She brings order to my chaos.
My bread is lavishly buttered on one side and know exactly which side that is -- and I'll walk to the ends of the earth to make sure that it stays that way.
The sacrifices I make I do them willingly; I let the old me die off so that I can be reborn again into a new mindset, a new way.
This is what love does.
It purifies the soul.
