"Creativity means being born before dying."
Erich Fromm
Erich Fromm said that we tend to see people superficially and marginally, unrealistic due to our own irrational emotions that make us project ideas and beliefs about them without being aware of what we do. We distort another person because our prejudices about it prevent us from seeing the person as it is, seeing it as we want it to be, according to our expectations, ambitions and desires.
How to change this distortion in perception? For this we must become aware of our inner and outer reality, our truth and that of the other and its circumstances, being empathetic and compassionate, observing many times what we refuse to see: their suffering, so we remain distant, without to commit ourselves to the solidarity aid of the other who suffers and remain safe and compliant, without suffering more than necessary, drowning the impulse to help that cries out.
What is the problem of defending oneself from the pain that the suffering of the other produces us? Why should I not avoid suffering and seek as much as possible my own happiness? The answer is that while we are "dead" to feel the suffering of the other, when we are indifferent and only react in a "cerebral" way without compassion, we ourselves begin to suffer for being unable to react to our own suffering and we become equally incapable to feel joy and true and full joy.
When we are able to perceive in an authentic and not superficial way, we observe the unique character of the individual, that which is only given once in a lifetime, and that always produces astonishment, wonder. The other person is no longer an object judged on the basis of its usefulness or futility to me and begins to perceive itself as a dignified person, valued for what it is and not for what it has.
Apart from the capacity for compassion, you also need the ability to concentrate, pay attention to the here and now, not living in the past, in the future or in an imaginary world, the product of daydreaming.
Another condition for authentic life is being able to think, believe, feel and act for ourselves. Fromm states that many times we "believe" or "think" other people's beliefs and thoughts that have been internalized by the education received from parents, school, church, etc., without ever determining if these ideas are true or false, we simply reproduce ideas and beliefs given by tradition, in the same way that a player plays music.
The same can be said of emotions and feelings, many times we feel what is supposed to feel in a certain situation, what people believe should be the normal reaction in our culture without really asking what we feel about a given event.
This is how you think and how you feel, and this is how it should be, showing an authoritarian ethic, where the rules established by the authority, be those that hold the power or the majority of the people and their power of conformist persuasion declares it as legitimate. Thus, the individual weakens, content to maintain a mask that drowns his true self, in order to meet the expectations of others and be accepted.
Not only self-esteem depends on that acceptance of others but also social success. His identity is given by the appearance reinforced by others, while the authentic self is hidden. In this sense, independence and autonomy are lost and people live with the anxiety of those who do not know their value because it depends on the market value of the personality, which generates a feeling of helplessness and feeling of insecurity when having to fight to adapt whatever it is to the social demands. He also feels his hurt self-esteem and the sadness or depression of knowing he is a traitor to his most intimate thoughts, beliefs, feelings and desires.
In this way, the relationship with others ceases to be creative and authentic, but also the relationship with oneself. The individual becomes an isolated, anguished being, like the characters in Frank Kafka's novels. We become prisoners of ourselves, identifying ourselves with what we have and not with what we really are.
A necessary condition to overcome this state of dependence and lack of authenticity is to accept the value of conflict. For Fromm, represents the opportunity to be creative, passionately fighting to recover our authentic being and be free, recognizing our human dignity in the unique value of what we are together with others who are equally unique and worthy, not mere means to satisfy my greed or ambition in the midst of the flock that fights against itself.
But to accept conflict and struggle requires courage, the ability to renounce the flock, to leave the social incubator and take the leap and be fully born, to be really alive, being ourselves, autonomous and creative, having faith or confidence in our own beliefs, thoughts, feelings and desires, without mirages, supporting and strengthening us in reality, in the truth of what we are.
"He had loved and found himself. Most, instead, love to get lost. "
Hermann Hesse
