rantsandswears

8 years, 7 months, & 26 days ago I first made your acquaintance. It must have been an exhausting shift at the restaurant I was working at because I missed all the signs that evening; all the flares

Some shit I’ve learned the hard way not to ask: If you could change one thing about me, what would it be? Your assumption would be that your significant other would have the common sense to walk the fuck

4:00 am: Cat begins meowing in my face. I assume this is to awaken me so that I can feed his furry ass. Fuck that. I shoo him off the bed. Back to sleep 4:12 am: He’s back because apparently, he likes

Being sober is amazing. Then it isn’t. My best friend, Jennifer, said it best: “You’re the only person I know dumb enough, being Hispanic, to choose to get sober the day before Cinco de Mayo.” Truth be

I caught myself doing some shit yesterday that I find fucking repulsive and desperate when others do it, so I figured I’d better ‘out’ myself. We all know at least one person that seeks approval by way

I thought that title might grab your attention. Funny thing; I had to rely on my old friend, Pornhub, to tell me the tier rating on X’s. How many is appropriate? If I’m not mistaken, there is a Triple

If you’re easily offended, step off this blog – this shit ain’t for you I woke up this morning to news of another school shooting. This one taking place in Maryland. It doesn’t matter any more where they

I’m pretty sure I’m a reincarnated old Jewish woman. Like super old. I’m sure it’s a lovely religion and that’s all fine and great, but I’m not speaking in terms of religious practice per se, so you can

So you say you’re stuck on what to get her for Valentine’s Day? I’ve come to bail your hopeless asses out. My male counter-parts probably feel like you’ve just narrowly wriggled free of Christmas’s nasty

[Voice of Samuel L. Jackson] Well hello mother fuckers! It’s been a while and if I had a heart I’d apologize, but we’re both laughing now aren’t we? For the past week I’ve been moving all of the shit I’ve

The holiday season is so festive and joyful; I’d like to drag my muddy shoes thru its living room and put my feet up on its couch. Everywhere I look assholes have antlers and wreaths attached to their

Maybe it’s just the time of year that has me all sappy, or maybe it’s the fact that I’ll be sharing part of my story with a room of people this evening; but I’ve given some thought to people and things

I’ve it heard it said in song that all you need is love and I dis-a-fucking-gree. I can’t possibly be any clearer on the matter, and yet I will try. I was in the shower [relevant information] this morning

We live in a society of entitled little bitches. Chances are you’re one too. Don’t get upset; I’m one. If you don’t think you qualify, check out the last few text messages you’ve sent and the emoji’s you’ve

My opinions aren’t always popular ones; they often go against the grain in fact. I don’t pay much attention to it, until it’s pointed out to me that I might be being an uncaring twat. I suspect it has

The holiday season is upon us again and for me it usually creates either feelings of extreme pressure and anxiety or togetherness and a deep need to be close to family. There’s really no grey area or middle

5:30 am and instead of being at the gym or outside on a morning run, I am on my ass in my living room typing this drivel and deciding between sweatpants or leggings for today’s wardrobe. If I were allowed

With so much bullshit taking place in the Nation and making the headlines, both real and fake; you have to ask yourselves if any of it surprises you. I for one am not surprised. I am no more surprised

At nearly 38 yrs. old I am not looking for Mr. Right, Mr. Wrong, Mr. Right now or even Mr. Right for 5 mins. I’d settle for some old episodes of Bosom Buddies, a pack of gummy worms and my hideously

I’ve been hearing this commercial on the radio lately and I laugh and cringe each time I hear it. It’s sad commentary on just how lazy we have become as a nation, on the whole, but that’s just my opinion.