Lately I've been experiencing some drama at work. It mostly involves people who think too highly of themselves that talk about others. They talk about how others are not doing their job right, or how they are wasting time, or how they are neglecting their responsibilities, and so on. Basically, gossip, with a bit of extra drama on the side.
Such talks can be very annoying, especially when you know that everything that is being said is false. It can be particularly irritating when the people who discuss such things have flaws so big that they could easily be pointed out by anyone and noticed by every person who spends any time with them. Yet those exact same individuals refuse to see or to believe that there's anything wrong with them at all.
This type of situation would've angered and annoyed me quite a lot in the past. Even nowadays I have a difficult time remaining calm and not going to some of those people to tell them what's on my mind in regards to them and their behavior.
It became easier to deal with such situations after understanding, mostly after reading the book "The subtle art of not giving a fuck", a few things.
First, most of those people who say bad things about me know very little actually. They know little to nothing about me and what my values are. They know little to nothing about my reasons for doing certain things. They know little to nothing about just how much I work every day. They just talk about things that they think they know, refusing to consider, for a moment, that they might actually know nothing.
Second, getting annoyed about such talk is often nothing but a reflection of my insecurities. Sure, when someone is talking shit about you behind your back, you have a right to be annoyed - after all, they're doing you a disservice, giving people inaccurate and maybe even harmful information about you.
At the same time, most of what they say might not accurately describe you and your character. What can happen, however, is that they might say something random, that you are very insecure about, and you make a big deal out of it, way more than you should.
This can easily happen at any time, and in such a situation, your anger and your actions are nothing but a reflection of your insecurities.
If you're afraid that people consider your lazy, and you think someone is saying that to others behind your back, you might be offended and annoyed. The question is - are you actually lazy? Maybe you're working as hard as you can, but you're just not happy with how much progress you're making, so any small criticism feels more like an accusation.
If you're afraid that people don't like to have you around, and someone says that you're annoying, that might trigger a lot of anxiety and depressive feelings. It doesn't necessarily mean that people don't like your presence. Maybe that person got annoyed with one thing and decided to mention it. But such a small thing will trigger a wave of anxiety and insecurities that will haunt you for hours, if not even days.
The reason why I've been getting better and better at dealing with people and with what's being said about me is because I've been trying to separate actual criticism that I should take into consideration from inaccurate things said by people who don't know me, things that don't reflect anything about myself, but might remind me of my insecurities.
So, the next time you're feeling as if you're getting angry about what others are saying about you, or about what someone did that made you feel as if they intended to "say something" through their actions or their looks, try to stop a moment and wonder - is there something to actually worry and get angry about, or is this nothing but my insecurities acting up?
