I consider myself a socially awkward person with an extremely restrictive attitude about whether to open myself up or not. This something that I don’t boast about, but, yeah, this has some privileges— not everyone (especially those who are annoying) wants to get around you. And I enjoy this specifically. But sometimes I wish I could be more extrovert, mixing with all regardless of occasion or situation-on-demand.
To be honest, I tried, but no luck. Even though I kick off my extrovert halo and join the party, soon it turns into solitary confinement amidst the crowd— shrink myself just after a few minutes as I have issues with communication with whom I don’t know or not comfortable with. But I noticed it’s not the issue of comfort, rather, it depends on my mood and I have full authority on my mood— it swings immediately if I want it to— such a moronic power I have here. And sometimes I suffer a lot, still, cannot get rid of it.
For the last few days, some of my close friends and family members have been trying to reach me. They are calling on my cell and as I am just not in the mood, I’m not picking up. It’s the weekend, so, no job so far. I planned the whole week to talk to them as usual, but, not happening. There’s a reason? I don’t know and cannot figure out any— what I know is I’m not in the mood. Isn’t it bullshit?
Yeah, I know. But I cannot change myself overnight. I understand I should try. Maybe I will. It’s just not today. That’s what I thought till this morning when I decided to swipe that green icon— hello, what happened, we’re trying to reach you for days……!
Oh, well, nothing…I noticed the call but couldn’t pick it up.
That’s it— ice is broken. Then it came to the main point. There were some serious issues where my participation was needed. It’s not that things wouldn’t happen without me but I could make it a whole lot easier. But by the time I turned myself in, it was almost over. Hurriedly, I tried to reach out to them in need, but, now they aren’t available.
See? That’s how I suffer for my ‘moody’ thingy. Just like that. But I know I could solve the issue just with a phone call. Only if picked up their phone right on time. Now that things are messed up, isn’t ranting about it useless?
So, what should have been done?
Getting out of my decade-long characteristic and paying attention to whatever I come across? That might be the best choice I can make right now but what about the fact that I don’t like to be interfered in my way of living? Quite a dilemma I’m in. Thinking won’t be a possible solution but acting is— before I ran into such issues and gradually made things worse with my dear ones.
So, any suggestions folks? Things to note before you speak, I kind of like to keep my distance and am already in love with my sort-of-solitary life. What I need is a balance between these.
