I have never thought I would one day come here to share this particular story with the whole world, this is a story I have never brought up or talked about since it happened months ago, it was funny, hilarious, and embarrassing, and a lot of people made fun of me when they realized what I was battling with that very day, my family made this particular experience funnier than it is when they analyze it, they made sure to add different gimmicks to it to make it more hilarious...
I am going to be sharing the moral lesson of this whole story with you all before entering the story, this is to show you how hilarious this story will be when you eventually start reading it…
Just the mere thought of the story is making me shy, I am blushing like a newly wedded wife hahaha, never take beans when you are purging or recovering from purging, never attend a church with a bad toilet, always eat less on sunday morning(eat food like bread and tea and not something heavy), and sometimes being a worker in the church can be quite annoying in some cases…
It all started one fateful Sunday morning, this happened last year but it feels like it happened weeks ago in my memory, and this is because of my family members, they don’t forget this type of event easily hehe…
A week before this particular day, I was recovering from purging, this happened after I ate too many sweet things from a wedding I attended before that day, I ate almost all the food that was served at the reception because the wife is a close relative of mine, I ate different vegetables with semolina and pounded yam, I ate the vegetable soup ordinarily before the reception started, ate porridge, ate rice, salad, and chicken, and lastly I had Moi moi and vegetable, after eating all these food was a step down with Malt and Pulpy orange…
I got home that day and my life never remained the same again, I wasn’t even able to finish all the above-listed food, I just wanted to eat from everything that was served at the wedding to mark the register, days later I started purging and it took about two days before the purging slowed down a bit, thinking I have recovered from the purging, I mistakenly had something crazy for breakfast on that Sunday morning before going to church…
On that fateful day, Mum asked me to take bread and tea because of my condition, I refused her thinking my purging stopped, not knowing it was waiting for my disobedience, the FFO in me ignored her and decided to eat the leftover beans from the previous night, I ate this and went to church and on getting to church, I went to my seat as a chorister in uniform…
Wait for it guys, this is where the hilarious moment started, during Sunday school everything was going fine with me, I was feeling quite good and confident because I was supposed to take praises that day…
Worship was led by my co-chorister after Sunday school ended, It was time to lead the praises and I was handed the mic to start, about 5 minutes after I took over the praises section something crazy happened lol 😂…
I was ushering in KAAAAABIESI OH when my stomach grumbled, it was at this moment I knew something was about to happen, I didn’t care and continued my praises until the second stomach grumbling came in again, At this moment I felt disconnected from the praises lol, I decided to end the whole ministration to handover the mic asap…
After handing over I went to my seat and then nemesis caught up with me, the third grumbling stomach settled in and I was feeling the urge to poop, This was when I knew what I was in for, I was feeling quite comfortable for someone that needs to relieve himself…
As a chorister we are not allowed to go out constantly like other congregations, I was on my way out to use the toilet when our CM called me back to lead the CONGREGATIONAL HYMN, It was at this moment I knew I fucked up…
Out of the good boy in me, I came back and decided to lead the hymn with one mind while praying to God, I was leading the hymn when the urge to poop was getting stronger, I couldn’t stay in a place again which made me start dancing around while I lead the hymn…
I finished the hymn and then the preacher made an announcement that no one should go out again, I heard this and my eyes opened and popped out, It was at this moment I knew something would go wrong today if I didn’t go out, I was still holding this urge in, I couldn’t sit comfortably again…
As time went on, things started getting worse, It was starting to show I was in the discomfort of something, under about 10 ceiling fans and 2 standing fans, I was sweating profusely like someone working in the sun, this was because of the urge to poop, it was getting harder holding it in and sweating was the adverse effect of holding it in…
I was slowly getting noticed by the congregation, my mum and her co-usher spotted me sweating under the fan and knew something was wrong, I was able to signal my mum and that was how I was able to get out of the church, I could barely walk out of the church but I struggled to walk out without raising suspicion…
I got outside and my mum asked me why I was sweating so much, I was telling her why when her co-usher came to meet us outside smiling because she knew what I was going through at that moment, I ran to the church toilet and ran out again lol, it was not in a good condition, this was when I started thinking of different ways to ease myself or I might mess myself up in the church, which would be an embarrassing situation for me…
It was getting harder to hold it in, I had only one option which was going into a nearby bush haha, I risked everything I had and ran into the bush and did my thing without the fear of what might be inside the bush LOL…
In summary, guess what came out after the terrible discomfort I had in church, it was something close to nothing that came out and I was good, I couldn’t cry so I cleaned up, you know the normal local way now 😂, I used a sachet pure water 😂😂 not a leaf 😂😂…
In conclusion, I went back inside the church looking all normal, the sweat had dried up, I was being looked at as I was going back to my seat, it was like everyone knew what had happened, I couldn’t care less since it was better than messing myself up…
Throughout that day, I couldn’t look at my siblings in church, they had this ready-to-mock-you look and I didn’t want to be a victim lol, at the end of the day, I learned my lessons and later got attacked by siblings on our way home, it was a crazy experience honestly and it meant a huge deal to me but it is what it is 😂😂😂…
This was the first time I experienced sweating profusely in an environment with 10 working ceiling fans and 2 working standing fans, Mehn this is hilarious 😆…
THANKS FOR READING…