First and foremost I have to express me deep gratitude to someone that 1. Taught me something new last night, and 2. Worked on something so that I didn't have to call my abuser. You know who you are. I thank you, and Princess says "Thank you, mom got me nommy treatz and I did all of my good girl inside dog things."
So on the subject of kindness, I know I personally do not, but do others measure kindness? Keep score? Decide if your act of kindness outweighs someone else's? I've always questioned this for a very oddly specific reason. It goes back to my days of having a sticker album....
It was 1984, and my parents, brother and I lived in a new neighborhood that would become what is now one of the oldest ones in my area. My friends were all within 3 or 4 houses in either direction on the same side of the road as my house, except for 2 of them. We all had My Little Pony toys, Barbies, bikes with baskets on the front and sticker collection books- which were really just cool photo albums.
At one point, one of my friends who would no longer be my friend after this day, decided to put a different value on the types of stickers. It was no longer a this sticker for that sticker. It was this puffy sticker = 1 glitter sticker but 1 glitter sticker = 2 puffy sticker or 4 regular non shiny stickers. Having to deal with disparity has NEVER been my strong suit. Seriously? 4 of my regular ass My Little Pony stickers for her 1 Rainbow Brite puffy sticker? I was sooo pissed because my stickers were considered "Jumbo" size stickers and about the size of a half dollar and there were 10 to a package for 2.00 or something like that; basically ALL of my allowance money.
It dawned on me when I was out of my stickers and had 2 puffy stickers and 1 glitter stickers in my album, yet hers was FULL of stickers that I had just been fucked over.
Enter in tyrannical 5 year old me, full of other issues from things I have mentioned in my other blog postings, and I completely lose my ever loving mind. I started yelling at her at the top of my tiny lungs about fairness and equality and equitable trade in stickerdom. Because #StickerLivesMatter!!!! I tore the page of MY stickers out of her album put it in mine, slammed the book shut and walked down the stairs and told her mother that her daughter was evil. (She really was as it turns out)
When I got to my house I was IMMEDIATELY grounded for being rude to my friends mother. I said "That's not my friend. She was stealing from me and taking advantage of me. People like that don't get to have friends. So how was I rude to my friend's mother?" BAM! Grounded for a week for talking back to my pregnant mother.
So I guess the moral of this story is that my moral compass has never changed. And I would rather help than be helped, but right now I really do need the help. So I thank all of you.... Every single one of you that voted on my last post. It means so much to me that you read and voted on my content.
I do not value someone's kindness at a higher level than someone else's. I also do not withhold kindness based on a valuation system. What I do value is the soul connection that I have with my friends. Unfortunately, due to my abuser husband that isn't around anymore because he has now moved to a different county, I have to make amends with a LOT of my friends here in town. Isolation is the first step, right?
While the immediate issue and urgency of getting my pup to the vet because she has dropped about 15lbs in about a month, and the concern about her having heart worms (She was heart work negative) is over with, she needs to go see a regular vet to have blood work done to see what is going on with her weight loss.
I just paid the rent this afternoon as well and that leaves me a whopping 89.34 to last indefinitely until the judge in my divorce awards Temporary Relief/Support Payments.
I talked to asshat last night and asked if he had any intention on assisting with the rent this month considering he abandoned the home, not me. He said no. He has his own rent now and bills. Neither here nor there, considering there is a document in our divorce paperwork that specifically states that "neither party shall engage in signing of mortgages or leases until a judge renders the parties separated." This is because of the simple fact that we are still legally married and that is then considered "marital debt". Whoopsie! I guess his attorney didn't remind him of that. Or he didn't read what he was signing. Or he thinks he's He-Man King of the Universe. Whatever.. ::EYEROLL:::::
All of that being said, you can find my skills in my last post, as I am looking for work. And if you're feeling froggy you can check out my story that my friends wrote about my situation and the updates from my family. The first one was from my dad and the second from my sister in law. If you want to donate, feel free. If not, I am completely fine with that too. https://www.givesendgo.com/bryn
Until next time... continue Beeing un-quantifiably amazing humans. I love you all and all of your talented gifts that you bring.
