Almost 10 years ago I was introduced to Desteni. At the time I was quite happy with my life but I was not very at peace deep inside. I was looking for answers on many questions linked to living a satisfying life. This searching had been the driving force behind wanting to achieve specific goals in life. One of the main factors at the time was a general discontent about human society in general causing me and my partner to look for a way out of the daily stress of life in a small and overpopulated country. We started fantasizing about living in a remote place and as off-grid as possible. We actually realized part of this fantasy by moving to a sunny country in a house in the mountains. Where we originally planned to buy a house to renovate we ended renting places and running out of money. In six years time we learned to accept the reality of what we were living and finally decided to move back to the overpopulated country, back into the matrix, just for the matter of surviving in this society we so badly tried to escape.
Looking back I do not regret any decision I made as it has been an excellent opportunity to learn a lot about myself and how I interact with the world around me. The challenging situations where making money was becoming more and more difficult I’ve learned to be humble and self-honest. Where at first I had the tendency to hide the fact I was living on very little money, I started to share my situation with others in an open and factual way. To my surprise people were willing to help even more that I would expect.
The process I walked over these years allowed to understand better what was triggering specific feelings and emotions. This allowed me to better understand my fears, frustrations, angers and also happy feelings. On top of understanding I learned how to take care of repeating patterns by applying self-forgiveness, a method where I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed a specific identified feeling or emotion based on a specific trigger. Identifying triggers and cleaning up these connected patterns has allowed me to see and understand much better the essence of life. I learned to see that moving away from a situation I did not like was not the solution. I had first to understand who I was in a specific situation, understand what triggered my feelings and emotions and change myself to ensure my starting point is a self-honest point and not a memory or a desire based on a fantasy.
After all these years I made a lot of progress and become a better version of myself with the ability to be a stable point in a hectic society and act as a reference and resting point for people I interact with on a daily base. I have still a whole path to walk as there are many points I need to address and clear so I can stop patterns and free myself from the consequences and the enslavement caused by following these patterns.
My big actual challenge is to slow down. While living in a fast paced and stressful environment it is easy to allow myself to be carried along with this hectic rhythm and end every day with the impression I am a prisoner of the responsibilities and tasks I have to perform in order to earn the money I need to survive, to sustain my family, to keep everybody happy and keep up with with my DIP lessons. Sometimes everything feels as something I am forced to do and all I want is to rest as the pressure causes me to feel tired. I know the tiredness I feel is only partly real, most of it is created by the feeling of having to do things against my will. Quite tricky.
By identifying that the tiredness I feel is not real I already took the first step in the process of changing myself. Step two now, is to identify what causes this feeling of pressure. Not very easy as it is a multi-dimensional and multi-layered and complex set of memories, experiences, thoughts, feelings and emotions. The only way to unravel this is to pick a point and work through and clean it up. A process that can take years. The nice part is that every resolved point immediately shows results and helps you to go for the next point in more effective way. The path is not linear of course, it has ups and downs.
While I am slowly working through my step two points I am applying what I have learned to live so far by being a living example for others and by doing so I am contributing to a better world, even if it is on a very little scale. The stories on this blog are all related to how I am walking this process and I share them so anyone can read and maybe recognize a situation and see what I did to change myself so the next time I am facing the same type of situation I will be prepared.
