LOH Community Contest #157: When you misunderstand me

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I take responsibility for what I say, not for what you understand (Anonymous).

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First of all I would like to thank you infinitely for last week's contest, it was great and it helped me a lot to catharsis, reflect and of course, improve my mood a little bit.

Today I want to thank merit.ahama@merit.ahama for this new opportunity to talk about us and tell our experiences, how we handle certain situations and what learning it leaves us.

Before I get into it, I would like to invite my friends antoniarhuiz@antoniarhuiz, sosismi@sosismi, syllem@syllem, esthersanchez@esthersanchez and zhanavic69@zhanavic69 to participate in this contest this week and share with us their experiences and take the opportunity to take that much-needed look inside ourselves.

That said, I'm here to tell you my experiences of the times I remember being misunderstood. I know there have been more, but these are the ones that have definitely marked me, either because they have made me angry or have left me with an indescribable feeling of sadness.

1锔忊儯 What do people always misunderstand about you?

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One of the things I have always been misunderstood for is whenever I go to speak. This is with my sister. I think she is the only one who has always tended to misinterpret everything I say, to take it out of context, to break down every word, every letter until she gets something that suits her and where I get hurt.

For example, she always tells me "Ali, you have to save so you can travel with me to Spain again".

She knows how my finances are now, she knows that I no longer receive the same income as last year, that I had to take my son out of private school to put him to study in a public school and that I have been without a car for a month because it broke down and I don't have enough money for spare parts. It's like this: either my son and I eat, or I buy the spare parts for the car. But I can't do both at the moment. She knows all that, but...

So I told her last time, after so much insistence to save, to buy this or that, that it was impossible for me to save or buy what she told me because I simply had other priorities to attend to.

Her response was: "You are going to complain, to victimize me, you need therapy, you have a serious problem". Or the other one she told me was: "I can't lend you money...".

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Oh, for God's sake... I just asked him, "When did I ever borrow money from you, or rather tell me at what point in my life have I ever borrowed money from you, just tell me once and I'll keep quiet."

Obviously she had no argument to contradict me because I have never borrowed a penny from her.

Well, he immediately got upset and told me that I should stop complaining about the lack of money. I mean, I was speechless looking at her.

Really? I complained? She keeps telling me to buy this and that, to save money, to go out to a restaurant with her and so on and so forth and I never answer her because I know she's going to jump on me and say stupid things.

But aaaah! She can say that she has no money and this is fine, because she is her. She has the right to be wrong, to not have money and to say so.

If I am the one who says it, I am misunderstood, she adapts my words to the frame she thinks to tell me that I have problems, that I am a victim.

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Yesterday she casually came back with the same thing. She wrote me to tell me that they were showing a play that she has always wanted to see and told me to go see it. In the face of so many things she has said to me before, I just replied that I didn't want to go see it.

Of course, she called me rude and impolite. I didn't answer anything and she kept on saying more things. At my silence, she gave up and left me alone.

I wasn't going to get into a sterile discussion with her, it's not worth it because anything I said was going to be used against me anyway. It wears me out too much trying to defend myself, especially since I didn't do anything wrong. So what I say is one thing and what she understands is another. I gain more by keeping quiet than by trying to explain to someone who doesn't feel like listening.

2锔忊儯 When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush?

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If there is something I have a huge fear of, it is heights. Whether it's leaning out of a balcony, walking over a manhole, going down very steep stairs, I start shaking uncontrollably. It's terrifying for me.

Well we were about four years ago in Mexico, a vacation trip and we were visiting a town in Mazamitla Magical Town, in Jalisco and there was a zip line.... Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.... All my friends were going to jump (even the little ones) and I was taking pictures, because obviously I wasn't going to jump.

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But my friends began to tell me that I had to overcome my fears, that the only way to do it was to face them, and that was by throwing myself down the zip line. Well, after so much telling me "coward, silly, you don't dare" and after being asked if I would do it, if I wouldn't, if I wouldn't, if I would... to back out, I put on my harness and protective helmet and I stood on the edge of the little house, but I didn't dare, I'm sorry.

Just standing there, looking into the void, the fear I felt was horrible. My heart was pounding and I started to scream, I felt that if it was beating so fast, at any moment my heart would stop.

I can say that without having jumped, I felt the biggest adrenaline rush in the world. I even had a hard time going back down the stairs. My friends laughed at me, but I'm not ashamed to have backed down.

And bells and whistles, this tale of terror with the zip line, is over.... 馃槻馃槉

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Me hago responsable de lo que digo, no de lo que t煤 entiendas. (An贸nimo).

En primer lugar quisiera agradecer infinitamente por el concurso de la semana pasada, estuvo genial y me sirvi贸 mucho para hacer catarsis, reflexionar y por supuesto, mejorar un poco mi estado de 谩nimo.

Hoy quiero agradecer a merit.ahama@merit.ahama por esta nueva oportunidad para hablar de nosotras y contar nuestras experiencias, c贸mo manejamos determinadas situaciones y qu茅 aprendizaje nos deja.

Antes de entrar en materia, quisiera invitar a mis amigas antoniarhuiz@antoniarhuiz, sosismi@sosismi, syllem@syllem, esthersanchez@esthersanchez y zhanavic69@zhanavic69 para que participen en este concurso de esta semana y compartan con nosotras sus experiencias y aprovechen de echar esa mirada tan necesaria dentro de nosotras mismas.

Dicho esto, vengo a contarles mis experiencias de las veces que recuerdo que he sido malinterpretada. S茅 que han sido m谩s, pero estas son las que definitivamente me han marcado, bien sea porque me han hecho enojar o me han dejado un sentimiento de tristeza indescriptible.

1锔忊儯 驴Qu茅 es lo que la gente siempre malinterpreta de usted?

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Una de las cosas que siempre me han malinterpretado es cada vez que voy a hablar. Esto es con mi hermana. Creo que es la 煤nica que siempre ha tendido a malinterpretar cada cosa que digo, a sacarla de contexto, a desmenuzar cada palabra, cada letra hasta conseguir algo que a ella le acomode y donde yo salga perjudicada.

Por ejemplo, ella siempre me dice "Ali, tienes que ahorrar para que puedas viajar conmigo a Espa帽a de nuevo".

Ella sabe c贸mo est谩n ahora mis finanzas, sabe que ya no percibo los mismos ingresos que el a帽o pasado, que tuve que sacar a mi hijo del colegio privado, para ponerlo a estudiar en uno p煤blico y que llevo un mes sin carro porque se da帽贸 y no tengo para los repuestos. Es as铆: o comemos mi hijo y yo, o compro los repuestos del carro. Pero ambas no puedo hacerlo por los momentos. Ella sabe todo eso, pero...

Entonces yo le dije la 煤ltima vez, despu茅s de tanta insistencia para que ahorre, para que me compre esto o aquello, que se me hac铆a imposible ahorrar o comprar lo que ella me dec铆a porque simplemente ten铆a otras prioridades que atender.

Su respuesta fue: "Ya te vas a venir a quejar, a victimizar, necesitas terapia, tienes un serio problema". O la otra que me dijo fue: "Yo no puedo prestarte dinero..."

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Oh, por Dios... solo le pregunt茅: "驴Cu谩ndo te ped铆 prestado dinero, o mejor dime en qu茅 momento de mi vida yo te he pedido dinero prestado?, solo dime una vez y me quedo callada."

Obviamente no tuvo argumentos para contradecirme porque jam谩s le he pedido prestado ni un centavo.

Pues de inmediato se molest贸 y me dijo que yo deb铆a dejar de quejarme por la falta de dinero. O sea, yo me qued茅 muda vi茅ndola.

驴En serio? 驴Me quej茅? Ella vive diciendo que compre esto y lo otro, que ahorre, que me vaya con ella a comer a un restaurant y una cantidad de etc茅teras y yo nunca le contesto porque s茅 que me va a saltar a decir esas estupideces.

Pero aaaah! Ella si puede decir que no tiene dinero y esto est谩 bien, porque es ella. Ella tiene derecho a equivocarse, a no tener dinero y a decirlo.

Si yo soy quien lo digo, soy malinterpretada, adapta mis palabras al marco que ella le parece para decirme que tengo problemas, que soy una v铆ctima.

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Ayer casualmente volvi贸 con lo mismo. Me escribi贸 para decirme que estaban pasando una obra teatral que ella siempre ha querido ver y me dijo fu茅semos a verla. Ante tantas cosas que me ha dicho antes, solo le respond铆 que no quer铆a ir a verla.

Por supuesto, me llam贸 grosera y maleducada. No respond铆 nada y por ah铆 sigui贸, diciendo m谩s cosas. Ante mi silencio, se rindi贸 y me dej贸 en paz.

No iba a entrar en una discusi贸n est茅ril con ella, no vale la pena porque de igual manera, todo lo que yo dijese iba a ser utilizado en mi contra. Agota demasiado tratar de defenderme, sobre todo porque no hice nada malo. Entonces lo que yo digo es una cosa y lo que ella entiende, es otra. Gano m谩s qued谩ndome callada que tratando de explicar a quien no le da la gana de escuchar.

2锔忊儯 驴Cu谩ndo ha sentido su mayor descarga de adrenalina?

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Si hay algo a lo que le tengo un miedo descomunal, es a las alturas. As铆 sea de asomarme por un balc贸n, caminar sobre una alcantarilla, bajar escaleras muy empinadas, comienzo a temblar sin control. Es aterrador para m铆.

Pues est谩bamos hace unos cuatro a帽os en M茅xico, un viaje de vacaciones y visitando un pueblo en Mazamitla Pueblo M谩gico, en Jalisco y hab铆a una tirolina... Oh por Dios, por Dios, por Dios... Todos mis amigos se iban a lanzar (hasta los peque帽os) yo me estaba dedicando a sacar las fotos, porque
obviamente yo no me iba a lanzar.

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Pero mis amigos comenzaron a decirme que deb铆a vencer mis miedos, que la 煤nica manera para lograrlo, era haci茅ndoles frente y eso era lanz谩ndome por la tirolina. Pues despu茅s de tanto decirme "cobarde, tonta, a que no te atreves" y despu茅s de estar que si lo hago, que si no, que si... de echar para atr谩s, me coloqu茅 mi arn茅s y el casco protector y me par茅 al filo de la casita, pero no me atrev铆, lo siento.

Solo el estar parada ah铆, mirando al vac铆o, el temor que sent铆 fue horrible. Mi coraz贸n lat铆a a todo lo que daba y comenc茅 a gritar, sent铆a que de latir tan de prisa, en cualquier momento mi coraz贸n se detendr铆a.

Puedo decir que sin haberme lanzado, sent铆 la mayor descarga de adrenalina del mundo. Hasta me cost贸 volver a descender por las escaleras. Mis amigos se rieron de m铆, pero no me averg眉enza haber reculado.

Y color铆n colorado, este cuento de miedo, se ha terminado 馃槻馃槉

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Cr茅ditosCredits
Fotograf铆as propias; atardeceres en la Isla de Coche, Nueva Esparta y de mi viaje a Jalisco, M茅xico, el a帽o anterior a la pandemi.Photographs of my own; sunsets in Coche Island, Nueva Esparta and from my trip to Jalisco, Mexico, the year before the pandemic.
C谩mara: Sony Cybershot Full HD.Sony Cybershot Full HD camera.
Traductor utilizado DeepL.Used translator DeepL.
LOH Community Contest #157: When you misunderstand me | Ecency