Growing up, i definitely knew i was developing quite differently from the other teens. I just did not understand why my boobs were bigger than the rest of the girls. As if big was not enough, they had to be saggy as well. Being African girl, with saggy boobs at a young age came with alot of harsh criticism that i'd have bargained for. I always got questions like What are u really doing to have such kind of bobs at this young age? in other words they were implying i must have been overly sexually involved at a young age to have such kind of boobs. and no 0ne would believe otherwise even if i tried to explain the simple truth that, that's just how i am developing. I hated my self , i hated my boobs. At some point, i started walking with my chest inwards in an attempt to hide the actual size of my babies. I remember it took my mom several stern warnings to get me to walk straight, and even at that , most times i'd find my self hiding them with my hands.
i always wore oversize sweaters , and sleeveless tops were a no-go for me.
Being a Large chested short girl came with its physical complications. My lower back would hurt as though i had braxton hicks. this was on a daily and worse during my menstruation. i wuld stay in bed or walk with a hunched back like an old woman. One day while at experiencing this kind of pain at home, i shared with my aunt in hopes that she would educate me and probably give me some pain revilers or just render some sort of help as the experienced adult. But guess what, i was hushed and shushed , with a warning to never speak out in public of my back aches, as i am a very young girl to be experiencing such adult like pains. Again, with an African mindset, back pains were only meant for older , pregnant or sexually active women and i was none of those. So me saying my back hurt in public would only imply that i was (again), Sexually active at a young age. This was frustrating, i could not discuss my struggles with anyone without being told off, i had to deal with it on my own. i hated my boobs.
Bullying...
i cant emphasize enough on how many times my boobs were used in reference as a weapon against me. I got shut off in arguments totally un relating to body and physical human parts but someone would say something like "that's why you have huge titties as though you were feeding the homeless, or orphans ". that statement would hit right through time and render me powerless, i really hated these things, why me? why me?
I started to have desire to have a boob reduction and begged my other endlessly to make it happen, this was a curse more than it would ever be a blessing.
Many jokes among'st friends would be about my boobs, how if i ever have kids, i would just throw my boobs to my back or side ways and have the breastfeed at any position without have to carry them. of course all this was way over exaggerated , they are not THAT long. At some point, i stopped being mad at some of these verbal attacks and joined in on the joke that were my boobs. i just couldn't wait to have enough saving to have them reduced to the societal "acceptable" size.
Living in Asia got me receiving questions on a daily basis, "are they real" "can i touch them" how did you get boobs like that?" hahaha , most times it sounds cute. i have never felt comfortable in a bikini 2 piece. One day at a nature outing to the hot springs resort , i decided to brave up and a 2 piece, that was the bravest move of them all. i had the whole resort stop and stare, i almost could here everyone whisper to one . i convinced my self maybe its not only the boobs that is making them wonder, could also be because i was the only black girl around and it could have also been my braided hair.
The biggest issue living in Asia though has been buying a bra. it is impossible to find anything near my size in the malls, and if there is anything close, it would cost an arm and a leg, not pocket friendly for the student that i have been. So to tell you the truth, in my 8 years stay in Philippines, i have never bought a bra. My mother always had to send some over from South Africa for me. I tried to purchase a 2 piece bikini online once, and for the first time i had a perfectly fit bikini bra , only problem was the bottom was too big, almost 4 times my size, its because i had to shop from the plus size section.
All that rant about my humongous boobs aside, the main purpose of this post is self acceptance against what society regards as beautiful. I have had people say to my face that they would never date a woman with saggy boobs as they are un attractive, look like slippers etc etc. Apparently this is the reason some women refuse to breast feed t avoid saggy boobs.
people on social media are very mean towards women with saggy boobs as opposed to those that aren't? who set these standards that only perky boobs are attractive? i have never breast fed, neither are my boobs saggy because of sexual over use. I look the way i look because i am who i need to be, i was created with love and intention a/ My breasts may not have the perfect shape versus what social media promotes but that will not stop me from loving me, and the person i was created to be, No society hypocritical standards should determine how i see and carry my self. SAGGY BOOBS MATTER.
