It seems equally as crazy now, as it did at the start of the first UK Covid lockdown in 2020, that people stockpiled basic items and the shops ran out of so many things. It was staples that were hoarded, such as dried pasta, rice and baking ingredients. People were clearly making enough banana bread and pasta and tuna bake to sink a battleship. All kinds of soap and antibacterial products also disappeared off our shelves. The worst shortage in all this however, was the toilet roll. The panic buying of loo roll emptied the shop shelves for many weeks and factories that made the stuff simply couldn't keep up with the demand. It was utter madness.
It struck me as completely hilarious, that during a global pandemic some people would worry so much about having enough loo roll, that they would have to stockpile it. I imagined that there were people in their houses, almost up to their eyeballs in loo rolls and that those with 'loo roll greed' were sitting on chairs made of the stuff.
I only write songs about subjects that provoke a reaction in me and it's usually things I laugh at...hence the need to write the song in the video below, 'This Is My Loo Roll Song (It's All Gone)' The lyrics are below the video. I hope it raises a smile.
Have you been to the shops today?
Was there a lack of stuff on display?
No pasta, no soap and a massive great hole
The saddest sight ever, there's no loo roll!
This is my loo roll song
It's soft and it's strong and its very, very long.
It's just meant to be a fun little ditty
I'm sure you will agree oh it's really such a pity
That all the loo roll has gone, oh yeah.
All the loo roll has gone oh yeah
Wooooo. It's all gone, oooh, yeah, oooh.
I really don't know how or when
I'm gonna get loo roll again.
They're selling on ebay at ten quid a shot
But that's far too expensive to flush down the pot.
This is my loo roll song.........
I've never worried about it before
Cos I could always purchase loo roll galore.
But now it seems they're a very rare breed
Cos some people suffer with loo roll greed.
This is my loo roll song......
I don't understand the obsession some have
For so much paper to flush down the lav.
The truth of it is, when all is said and done
It's only really helpful for wiping your bum.
This is my loo roll song...
This tissue crisis is beyond a joke
It's upset many desperate folk.
But soon that happy day I hope will come
There'll be enough loo roll for everyone.
This is my loo roll song...
Your loo roll's your friend
Your bog roll's your friend.
