ENTANGLED
Life can be very unbecoming sometimes, being too hard to raise the bar and achieve one's goal. It can most times be a mixture of hardship and dreadful mishappenings or sometimes filled with sweet memories and goodness. It can also be a mixture of the two, happening at a time and making you wonder and ask yourself questions about your existence. When some people are interviewed and asked what's their own take on life, some will tell you that everything is vanity upon vanity. Some can also speak on their experiences as they grew older. Some can even go to the extent of telling you about their own take on the existence of the master of cosmos and Christianity at large. Some will speak on their misfortunes and how they seem not to achieve anything in their life. Different human with different ideologies.
I stood from the sofa I had been sitting on for an hour now, looked around, everything was neatly arranged. No sign of my children, I directed my gaze at the wall clock which read half past four. Little worry brushed through my mind on their whereabouts. “School would have been closed by now, what could they be doing?" I asked myself quietly.
It was a good thing they were gone. Atleast, a little serenity and oneness of the mind. I moved from my standing position and headed to the window. I was staring blankly at the compound when I saw a car moved into the compound. I lived with tenants, the car doesn't seem like any of their own. I looked on as an elegantly dressed woman emerged from the car, adjusted her clothing, smiled confidently to herself and then shut the car door. She walked gracingly, like and eagle who had just defeated it's daring opponent and was crowned the Victor. She made her way into the fullness of the compound and all of a sudden made a halt. I watched on from the corner of my window,undoubtedly enjoying the little show. She abruptly stopped like someone who had forgotten something really important and then turned back to her car. She opened the door to the car,closed it back and pressed the keys. It occurred to me that she had forgotten to lock the doors, thereby going back. I laughed, admiring her eloquence. She was indeed beautiful. I remembered that I had once wished to be like that, having a car of my own and looking dashingly beautiful but here I am, in a two room apartment(one which I struggled to pay the rent and other bills and have been given quit notice. The least out of the other rooms in the entire compound.)
At age twelve, I had dreams and aspirations. I was the brightest of all the children my parents had and was always the first in class. I dreamt of been an aeronautical engineer. I wanted to be successfull, do everything that was proven to be impossible and above all, construct an air craft which could travel out of space and go deep into the hollies where I was taught that the master of cosmos resides. Each time, I tell my people about my dreams, they most times ignore me and call it mere fantasies. It got to the time I was so beaten down in my own little thoughts of changing the world. Mother called me foolish, father called me ogbanje(in english: witch) but I kept dreaming but the mistake was that I never tried to actualise those dreams. At age fourteen I got carried away by mishappenings of the world, little did I know that circumstances comes and goes. Instead of using shield to wedge the power of teenage stupidity, I used bare hays. I allowed myself to be exposed to different kinds of crazy stuffs. No one could defeat me in the world of smoking cigarettes. As the saying goes little habits develops into a more mighty one. I graduated from the class of ordinary smoking cigarettes to actually taken drugs and marijuana. My parents had no idea, which was because I never did it in their presence. Those dreams began to fade away, I only started seeing myself on the high clouds. Playing silently with the clouds or sometimes in an open bathroom where I just lay and smoke on. My parents eventually found out and you know what it meant, shouts, more shouts and beating but because of the level of highness I was, I never really cared.
Two years later, I was diagnosed in the hospital and the doctor confirmed that I had a lump near my heart that requires immediate treatment less, I may loose my life. I remember fully well that my mother panicked till the end of the Surgery while my father just sat and contemplated on what he would do to me after the surgery. For weeks, I was in the hospital bed and in a dreadful pain. I looked like a worn out tissue paper that was soaked into water and has refused to dry off. I saw death around the corner and I began to apologize to the creator.
Finally, I was out of the hospital bed and far away from the hospital itself. (for I dreaded that place). I later on vowed that nothing will make me go back go my past. Life began again, my parents had forgiven me and now monitors everything that I do.
Just when it seemed like everything was alright and good, I was diagnosed again and this time, it was not any sickness that requires surgery nor medications but it was the most unpleasant and disheartening news. I WAS PREGNANT. I couldn't believe it. My mother had no voice to panic this time,she only sat and weeped silently, a deep and silent cry that causes more damage to the fabric than the loud outburst of tears. My father on the other hand seemed to me like he had lost his senses because he acted like a mad man recently released from the mental home.
In the weeks that followed, I watched my life dance a crazy tango on the brink of collapse. My emotional and physical well-being was threatend. I knew who was the father. My parents got to know as well and before I knew it, I was married to Charles. A hard drug dealer and a psycho path in dirty dealings. It was the most shameful thing ever.
The first child came, the second, the third, and finally the forth. Charles left the house and never returned to his family. What do you expect from such a person?
I was left to raise four children on my own with a nasty job that doesn't pay well. I was ENTANGLED in my realness and worst nightmare.
