Still Trying

I'm trying... I really am.
I need to free my soul,
I need to unburden my weighty heart.
But look, the truth is stuck in my throat!
Or is it??

Someone has silver-coated my reasoning.
My former truth, polished to a fault.
Sparkling like tar on a sunny day.
My heart, a tare plantation.
I've fallen by the wayside,
No, I'm sitting right in the middle of harm's way.
The mirage ahead calls out my name!
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh
Can you hear it too??
I know, it's faint, very faint.
But hey! Bend your ears, maybe it's the Spirit speaking.
Or is it??

I've got a million voices, screaming instructions to my brain.
Look behind me, they're behind.
They're pushing me, driving me crazy.
But I asked the devil to get behind me.
Or did I??

I just learnt that the doors have been shut.
What?? What doors??
I only shut the windows of my heart!
I only barricaded the entrance against those fanatic intruders
No! My lamp is still bright!
I still have enough oil left!
Or, do I??

My time has run out.
The oil has stopped flowing.
But the prophet himself commissioned these vessels
How can my strength falter
How can my arm grow weary
For I am a general of the Lord's army.. And the Lord is firmly on my side.
Or... Is he??

And so a thousand questions run through my brain daily.
My head is race track.
I'm struggling to keep myself in check.
But I can barely keep up.
So I gave up.
And I let go.
For I just learnt someone has paid for my expenses

So I no longer have to be a debtor to my former master anymore.
Or do I??