Sometimes last year, I was feeling down, so down that I even thought I wouldn't be able to continue my journey. Not that I'm thinking of death or something, but I was just tired, tired of how it feels like I'm left behind in the race of life.
Around that time a friend of mine secured a very, very good job; this job he got came with a lot of benefits. I congratulated him and wished him well.
Not long after, another got an opportunity and traveled out; a few weeks after he traveled out, I began seeing his post, and he was doing very well in the space of less than a month. I congratulated him as well, and we even joked about it.
There was another that started a business too, and he was doing well... And in all honesty, I'm sincerely happy for them all. I'm not even thinking bad towards any of them, but you know when you sit down to think about life and how you all were once close, you can't help but feel left behind. I can remember vividly how I did help the guy who traveled out with his assignments back then; he's now the one talking about investments, finance, dollars, and all. And like I said earlier, I'm really happy for them, but I can't help but feel left behind and hope for when it will be my turn to be comfortable too.
Now, it's not as if I'm lazy, not at all. I try my best. I work, I think, I plan, and I make sure to not just allow a day to slip by without doing anything. The funniest part is after the end of each day, I'm still always asking myself... "What exactly did I even do today? How much am I able later to make later? Is this progress?" And you will understand better with me if you're an adult in Nigeria, because it's not easy at all. With all these choking responsibilities from the left, right, and center.
There are even times I stay off social media, because most of the things I see at times make me feel left behind and remind me of where I'm not. And as much as I'm happy for these people, I need time out to think and clear my head too.
It's midnight as I'm writing this. I'm not the type to not sleep or stay awake at midnight, except on very rare occasions. But today, I can't just find sleep, and sleep itself seems to not notice me. I just decided to pour it all out into writing even though I know my words may not really comprehend my state and the thoughts going through my head. But then, I said something out loud to myself some minutes ago, and it prompted me to put these things down.
"It seems like I'm falling behind."
That was what I said to myself. And it's just the truth, even though it's hard to admit.... It is.
But while still in the middle of this, something dropped into my mind, and it is that I still need to be grateful for where I am, because some wouldn't mind switching places with me. It is that I'm still way better than some, and it's worth being grateful for. It's that when there's life, then there's hope and that I should keep on going...one day at a time. And I believe lines will definitely begin to fall in pleasant places for me.
And the need for me to stop comparing my life and my journey to that of others; I don't know their full story, I don't know if it's a fake life or not, and I don't know if that part they are showing is what they want the world to see and if they have something else they're battling with as well that's not in the open. But here I am; I know myself, I know where I'm lacking, I know where I need to improve, I know I'm waiting, and I know I will get to the top someday.
Maybe, just maybe, life is not a race; it just feels/looks like one when we are looking sideways at others and not focusing on our own journey.
So, Millie, keep going ... one step at a time.
馃尮
Images are mine.
Thanks a lot for taking your time to read through, kindly do well to stop by my blog 
鉂ｏ笍鉂ｏ笍鉂ｏ笍