So far more or less, my life has been full of ups and down. A lot of situations happened, circumstances, and life situations all changed so fast and drastically. Sometimes I cannot even fully grasp the changes. Sometimes I think I should write a novel but yes, I am a messy writer and it's hard to collect all of my pieces of memories. Anyway, I decided to take a break and go on a 1-week vacation.
Before writing about my vacation details, I would like to highlight why I took this decision today. You see I had been living in Ukraine for around 5 years. I always wanted to see Europe after migrating to Ukraine, it was my dream to see the architecture and culture of different European countries but I couldn't. First 2 years I spent my time studying for my masters in Ukraine and when I graduated Covid happened. For almost 2 years I was kind of stuck in Ukraine due to Ciovid 19 situation and in 2020 I adopted my dog, Gigi. So, 4 years gone, and then again I had to do my document works, passport renewal, etc which took around 1 year from my life. So, the savings I kept for traveling, I had to spend fixing all of my documents.
My life was never been easy or smooth like butter. I always had to fix something or couldn't manage any trip outside of Ukraine due to personal issues or financial problems. When I was ready and started settling myself then War started and took everything from me. Here is one thing I wanna clearly mention I was an immigrant in Ukraine and always had to go through different circumstances. So war started and most of you know what happened after that.
I sometimes regret that when I was in Poland, I should have explored the country but yes, at that moment my mindset and psychology were completely different. Even to plan for this vacation, I had to save some money from my minimum wage salary. As a mental health patient, my doctors often recommended, that I should go somewhere or go for a vacation. I was not ready and I feel like still I am not ready.
I didn't plan for this vacation for a long time, but suddenly I found a cheaper option to see two countries together and I took the opportunity. For the past two weeks, I have been busy doing a lot of things. The most challenging part was finding a pet sitter for my dog Gigi. Unfortunately, I cannot travel with her and also cannot afford her travel expenses. Gigi is a very special family dog to me and finding someone appropriate for her who will not only give her time but also will give her love and affection like I do. I have contacted a lot of people but I was not feeling comfortable giving her to someone whom I don't know. Finally, I have found someone who not only stays in the place where I live but also knows Gigi for a long time. So, one major problem was solved. Then travel package, documents, and scheduling all of the upcoming therapies kept me on my toe. I have been panicking so hard thinking about the travel and about my dog Gigi.
Instead of feeling the excitement of exploring new countries, I constantly panicked about everything. This is part of my psychological issue and I cannot just ignore it. My anxiety level is so high that I am feeling sick every moment and doubting my decision. I don't know whether I have taken the right decision for myself or not because my life is a complete mess currently. Maybe later I will regret my decision. I don't know yet.
My psychosis education therapy started and this therapy is tiring. Before going to EMDR therapy, my psychologist have decided to give me this lesson to enrich my knowledge. Anyway, I don't know what is the purpose of this kind of session. I also met my psychiatrist this week where we talked about my medications and nightmares, and intrusive thoughts. Sometimes my brain makes an impulsive situational image in front of me that often confuses me. More or less, every day I feel tired and overwhelmed but still, I am managing to do daily chores little by little.
I really hope I won't feel overwhelmed being in a new country and seeing a lot of people. I took all of my medicines with me because I cannot stop them. I am nervous and anxious and kinda visualizing the past, present, and future. Those who know I am traveling today saying that I really deserve this vacation and I should enjoy every moment of the upcoming 7 days. A lot of people also helped me arrange this tour otherwise I don't think alone I could have managed this tour.
I really hope that this trip will help me to create new memories and will be good for my mental health...
I am
@priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
All images used are captured by the author...
