This summer I didn't take any vacation. I had to do so much in life, including regular therapy sessions, that I couldn't plan anything outside of the Netherlands. Building the future from scratch once again is not so simple. Now that I have more space to think about my future, the reality of European life kicked me hard. I completed a digital entrepreneurship course, improved my mental health condition, worked on other medical issues, and finished a few document works. Working on building a future while suffering from severe depression and trauma is hard, so after finishing a few important things in life, I guess I am allowed to give myself some credit.
To be honest, for me, these things are hard. Some days are still difficult, and that's why I cannot write like before. It's not like I don't have topics to talk about; I don't have motivation. Lack of motivation is also a sign of my depression, I know it. I tried a lot of things so far to recover. Some worked, some didn't work, but in the end, darkness just haunts me. I stopped complaining, and I stopped talking about how I feel. I think it's pointless to talk about my difficulties. Anyway, I am going to talk about my summer. By the way, in July, I completed my 8 years on the Hive blockchain, and I didn't celebrate it. I wanted to write a post, but then I lost motivation. My finger didn't find anything to write...
This summer, I just went here and there to spend the weekend. Mostly went to the nearby cities, walked around, and had some food. I didn't do much even though I wanted to do some nice activities. But still better than doing nothing. So, a few weeks ago, on a hot summer day, I went to the Dutch city of Leiden. I went to Leiden before during the holiday season, but this time I chose summer days to experience the Dutch summer culture and architecture.
Leiden is indeed a beautiful city, especially when it comes to enjoying summer activities. Museums, antique shops, boat rental and riding, canal cruise, beaches, or relaxing canal walk make this city attractive among tourists. I would say it is far more relaxing to walk in Leiden than in Amsterdam. When I was there, I saw a lot of events which was happening in the city center. Weekends are not boring at all. Last time when I was in Leiden, it was winter time, so the atmosphere was completely different. The city was calmer and gloomier in the winter.
It's been more than 3 years since I have been staying in the Netherlands, so to me, most of the Dutch cities seem similar now. It might sound harsh, but architecture-wise, most of the Dutch cities are identical. So, I went to Leiden just to walk around, especially nearby park area of Molen De Valk. It's a prominent windmill park area of Leiden and is close to the train station. The park area of the windmill is really beautiful. You can walk around, spend time with friends, family, or with your dog, or have a lunch picnic. It's nice...
So after walking in the park and the canal area of the windmill, I went to the city center. I explored some shops and nearby restaurants in the area of Hartebrugkerk (Hartebrug Church) in Leiden. I found a few antique shops that sell unique products. But I was not there to buy anything, so I just took a short walk. One thing that exhausts me on summer days is the summer heat. I get tired easily and can't have a long walk. I always need to take a quick break or sit somewhere.
I think going on summer days on the boat is the favorite Dutch thing to do. That is actually a popular activity I have noticed in Leiden. Tons of private boats on the canal in summer, and people are partying or enjoying a boat ride on the canal. The harbor area was almost full and I felt like there were more boats than cars I have seen in Leiden... Hahaha...This time I didn't walk much, so I didn't go to the main harbor area or the beach area. I mostly walked around the city center and some neighborhood areas.
Maybe one day I will have my own boat, who knows...
Some boats were occupied in the restaurant area. Some restaurants offered an outdoor sitting area on the floating boat.
In summer, canal-side areas seemed much more vibrant and cheerful than in winter. You won't find anyone near the canal area in winter...
After 2 and a half hours of walking, my depression suddenly kicked in, and I lost motivation to enjoy the city. Somehow, everything felt faded, and I was so demotivated. So, I decided to find a restaurant to eat something, but I didn't know what to eat. These things are happening recently, and that's why I didn't go on a trip. Because sometimes out of nowhere, I have a panic attack, and I just don't feel good anymore. So, to cool myself down, I just went to a Greek restaurant. I never tried Greek food before, so this was my first time tasting Greek food.
I ordered some nice food and did some food photography. I already forgot the name of the food and what I ordered, so I can't write about the food. If you know the name of the dish, please let me know. I can't remember because some part of me was not there anymore and didn't pay any attention. When I feel overwhelmed, I forget things, and a part of my time gets erased. It might sound strange, but that is a part of my mental struggle.
Many people think that I made up things, but I am the one who can bring changes in life and control everything. Yes, I can control, I have control over myself, but when my surroundings start fading or feel like black and white, I only think about survival and how to stay safe. My struggle nobody will understand, and I don't want others to understand...It's okay, I can be a weirdo or a different person...
After lunch, I decided to leave Leiden, so I didn't stay much longer. I could have stayed longer, maybe tried to find something to enjoy, but I was not feeling anything. Besides, I thought about myself and everything was too much already, so I came back home safely...
Maybe I will go there again some other time...
I am
@priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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