I have question for you, have you ever put on a shoe that just didn't fit? Perhaps it was too small or perhaps it was too big that it kept sliding off your foot when you tried to walk in them. Be honest, whatever you did to try and get it to stay on, the plain fact of the matter was clear, you struggled all through because the shoe did not fit.
The funny thing is that we actually do the same thing in life. We put ourselves in a place, in a position or a relationship that we are not so comfortable with, and we keep doing that only to try to please the other person.
I myself have made this mistake so many times than I could even admit. I've gotten into situations when I didn't want to, I joined clubs I didn't want to be part of and I even accepted a job that wasn't good for me, all that merely because other people thought it was the smart thing to do and it was right for me.
I had to suffer like this for a long time until my brain decided enough was enough.
Before then, I tried to compromise to please people, I thought to myself if I might just buckle the shoe (of course figuratively speaking) even though it was pinching and hurting my foot, eventually I'd get used to it. But the fact is, I only succeeded in causing myself pain.
When you decide to live your life doing everything to make others happy and spare no thought for yourself, you ultimately lose sight of hearing your own voice and you're not being fair to yourself.
I couldn't think of a better analogy to this than walking around in the wrong shoe all day. You're look clumsy, it'll be heavy on you and it's self pain, way too exhausting.
Just know that everyone will have an opinion of what you should do, who you should be or how you should live your own live. If you spend your entire life trying to do those things, eventually you will forget who you are along the way.
I remember one time I was sitting behind a desk at this company that I did not want to be in, I was a receptionist. I would mostly be looking over at the clock and just wondering to myself how I got there and how long I need to keep doing this. I simply didn't like the nature of the work.
All was well on the outside though. I was being paid and keeping my family happy, because my mother looked at my figure and thought I would be perfect as a receptionist so I only did that so she would be happy.
But on the inside, I actually felt like I was choking. At a point, it struck me that no one else was going to walk my life for me, not my family or my mom who encouraged me to do this.
You know, people could push or pressure you but you will always be the one who is going to have to live with the agony of forcing to live a life that is not yours.
The price you pay for living this way is pretty high and since you will be the one to pay the price, it should be worth it for you.
If you live the life they want you to live, sure, everyone might be happy with you for a while, you'll get the applause for the decisions you made because you listened to them but at some point you'll be left alone to continue living that life, and that's where the struggle will hit you harder than ever before. It's a cross you'll have to bear on your own.
The emotional pain is from knowing you're not being yourself. And no matter how much validation you get from outside of yourself, it can never take that kind of pain away from you.
The good thing is that at least you can always choose today to do something else. Let your lifestyle fit your personality, not someone else's personality. The people around you are supposed to support you to be a better version of yourself and not a better version of what they want you to look like. Choose those people wisely or you may end up living a life full of regrets.
Even the finest shoes take a couple of days to break in but there's a big difference between adjusting to doing something new and enduring doing something that wasn't ever intended for you to begin with.
I'll tell you something in my life, when I finally began to say no to what wasn't right for me, something miraculous happened to me. I slowly began to see the right people, better opportunities and better moments in my life.
What I can give as an advice is that, you need to release what is not right for you so you can make space for what is. And the kind of peace you'll gain from making that decision will definitely be worth all the no you ever had to say to people along the way.
There will be friction and resistance from people that want you to be a certain way, it's better to endure that now and live your life to the fullest than to allow them to run your entire life just for today's peace of mind.
