I've been thinking about how often people are judged and placed into categories without being known at all by the people who judge. Sometimes it's tiring to make all the attempts to go against their opinions and try to explain to them that you're actually not what they think you are. But I am slowly realizing that, if I choose to explain, my explanation may not matter much to them because they've already made up their minds up about who I am.
At one point in my life I formed a habit of always explaining myself, arguing with them and trying to lay out all the unseen pieces of the puzzle they refused to see.
One statement I mostly used was "there's two sides to every story can you please hear mine?" Regardless, I noticed in the end, it was next to impossible to convince some.
It never worked and eventually, I even got tired of even doing that. Now, I would rather see them keep that for themselves.
Last year, around Christmas, families and friends gathered and one family friend said I was too intense for my own good, I followed up with a question "what's that supposed to mean?"
I kept replaying it over again in my head and it was basically me punishing myself anytime I brought up people's negative opinions of me.
But eventually, I realized how much it hardly ever really interfered with my life.
Come to think of it, when they think of you in a certain light, it does nothing physically to you, so why bother trying to explain yourself, just do you and let them keep thinking whatever they choose to think.
I am intense, I care too much about myself, I set boundaries, that is my reality and if they choose to label me with any of that, it does nothing to change all that.
There’s a certain kind of freedom that comes when you simply accept people’s opinions about you or just keep it on the side without arguing the point. You don't have to stand on your feet, fighting for your validation all the time. You don't have to justify why you made that choice, why you reacted that way or why you see the world differently.
Letting go of that need to justify yourself is necessary if you want your own peace of mind. That free space can then be used for many other things. You start realizing that you wasted an enormous amount of time on opinions that didn't even belong to you.
Sometimes I would think that I am maybe being dismissive, perhaps I should care more about their opinions. Then I remember how much I grew in life when I stopped trying to control how others saw me, when I remember that, I'm ok and just happy with myself.
When you try this, life may not get easier and people may not understand you all of a sudden, but you become less of a fragile thing. I laugh at the misinterpretations in my head when I hear it.
I'm not saying it is that easy to do. It still hurts when you are truly good and people think you're bad. But allowing them the incorrect understanding means you won't have to carry their baggage. You can pay attention to what actually matters to you and not some imaginary idea that somebody else has about you.
