I drove today. I haven't driven in two weeks since the accident. It's hard for me to drive with my right hand. I'm finding therapy for myself after the incident. I still have people telling me I'm being used by my partner for court purposes. Is it true? It is false? I believe it's not true. I believe he loves me and we will overcome this. I been finding myself and been listening to myself. I feel a positive change within myself and I love it. I wore shorts and a short sleeve shirt today. My body isn't the same since the accident. But I was confident enough to wear shorts and if people spoke bad about me it didn't bother me. I'm planning on getting my nails done and eyebrows. A little self care wouldn't hurt anyone. Sometimes I feel my life is a dream and none of this is real. But then I see myself working, saving money for my bills. I expected myself being 20 and having a good car. (I have a old car) Having an amazing healthy relationship. (it's somewhat unhealthy) And having thousands of dollars. (I don't have thousands of dollars.) I can upgrade my car and I'll have a lot of money in the future. But let's talk about my relationship. I love this man but scared of him. Oh yes I am. I can tell him that but I'm scared he'll get mad. That's what I'm scared of his anger. Oh great made myself sad again. Jesus where did we go wrong to the point we have police involved. To where I need counseling. Why was there violence involved. Why?! I hope we change and become healthy. Does he wish the same? Well lately he doesn't want to go back to jail. I feel he's upset with me and isn't happy with me. I'm going in my shell again worrying. I want us to be happy. I'll give it my all and one last chance wouldn't hurt anybody. So one last chance if I am being used then it's okay because I gave it my all. But I know he doesn't have a bad heart to use me for court purposes. He loves me and I know he isn't. I think. Well I will be positive. I have a nurse coming in to help me with the dressings. So I'll have to wait for a few hours to get my nails and eyebrows done. Tomorrow I might go to the LGBT Center to meet with someone for help and counseling for domestic violence. I'll try and wash my car too.
