Some 11 years ago, during my NCE program, I met a colleague who later attached herself to me because she saw how serious I was in my studies, and because she wanted someone who would help her during exams, she found out that I could be the right choice for her. I didn't send her away but gladly accepted her as a friend. It was later I realized how unserious she was, and would even force herself on some group of ladies who called themselves "Big girls on campus" who were studying in degree programs. I felt pitiful for her as she started going out to club parties, staying out late, drink alcohol with these girls.
I would always go to her house when exams are approaching and all through the exam period, I won't go to my house. She never read but was busy dancing and partying all night with these so-called big girls on campus. An NCE student comparing herself to them was the only thing that came out of my mouth. The day I stopped mingling with her was when she tried adding alcohol to a soft drink (Lacasera) she offered me. As a drop touched my tongue, I knew something was being added to the drink, I returned it to her expressing myself not being used to alcohol. She tried persuading and said something I can never forget: Busayo, be exposed. Join us and be exposed. I smiled and simply told her, I was okay with how I was then.
By the time we were graduating, she didn't graduate with us. I was the one who helped her with the first and second semester examinations while at 100 level, and ever since I left her, she started having tons of carryovers from part 2 that she couldn't finish all by the time I graduated. Perhaps she dropped out as she couldn't continue anymore. She had a boyfriend who was a banker who wanted to marry her once she was through with her program. This guy tried his best to send her money but she felt it wasn't enough.
She started going out with those girls who were able to ruin her life; the boyfriend knew about her wayward life, something she has never done before, and he left her. I guess she couldn't continue, that was why she stopped schooling. The guy was her only help then because her dad was dead while her mom was selling petty things to feed. Can you see it?
Social pressure is everywhere; from being pressured to get married because other people are doing it. Going out to late night parties because others are doing it. Having multiple boyfriends and girlfriends because your friends are into it. Stealing, cheating, smoking, drinking into a stupor etc, because others are doing it.
We have been told that bad communication corrupts good manners. Also, birds of the same feather flocks together and so on. Many people do not want to engage in what others are doing but because they couldn't control themselves, they have been lured into doing what they didn't want to do or should not have done. They felt it was nice since the other party is doing it. But in the long run, they are affected and would carry their cross themselves.
We live in a society where people are easily pressurized to go against their will, and it's only if such an individual has self-control and could stand on his or her point, would the person escapes such a threatening situation. Some will even try to cut ties with you if you do not do what they wanted you to do, and because of how weak and "attached to them" you are, mingling with them becomes the right option.
Just as what happened in my story of how she was lured to join their gang, she lured me too; perhaps they told her to bring me along but I stood on my point. I still face the same pressure around me. People keep telling me to get a boyfriend and get married because my friends are married already.
One even asked me that is it until she finished giving birth that will I start my journey?. I smiled and told her when it is time, I will get married.
I was furious, and lambasted a lady on Twitter some weeks ago where she was deceptively advising those who already clock thirty and aren't married or have children to do that immediately because it is very dangerous for a lady in her thirties and not married or given birth. She even added that if it is to become a single mother, they should just have a child.. it pained me so much that I felt like meeting her and giving her a hot slap. How could someone say that? Some even asked if she already has a child or is married because they aren't seeing a ring on her finger.
One thing we need to know is that everyone has the right time. Stop feeling too sad because someone is out there pressuring you on doing something against your wish and will. Do not let anybody because of encouragement or comparison, make you go into something you are not prepared for. Make sure that if you are going to get into it, you are well prepared.
It's all a matter of being prepared and seeing it's the right thing for you instead of doing it because others are doing it.
The last time I went home, though I understand my Dad's feeling over his children. He wants the best for us, but when it has become an issue of him comparing us to other children, I wouldn't take that from him. I told him not to lay pressure on us but to pray for us. I asked him a question;
If we get married based on your comparison with other children and the pressure you are mounting on us, and we stop taking care of you, or seeing how shattered and unkempt we are in our homes, how would you feel?
He felt bad and decided not to disturb us again but to keep praying. Yes, it is normal he should get worried, at least we have gotten to that stage where we need to settle down, but are we ready or prepared for it? This is something every victim of social pressure needs to think of instead of following the trends of their friends, thereby being in trouble in the end and affecting their families.
We need to weigh the outcomes of every action by each individual. Look at it if it's something that will speak well of you or one that would tarnish your image before going into it because once a child had dipped his leg in hot water, cannot complain of being cold again.
I, for one person, cannot fall for any social pressure because of the kind of person I am. Most of my day is spent indoors. I have read online of several consequences of following trends and being lured by pressures from friends and society, and for me not to fall a victim, I rather save myself, wait for the right time and never be in a hurry to take decisions that could impede my journey in life.
