Surrogacy is one of such issues that sound easy but when you start ponder on it you find it very hard. It may seem that at the beginning it is simple for a woman to carry the baby of another couple, and when the child is born, that woman gets her money or anything that they have signed and they all go home happy ever after.
However, in real life, human beings are not robots. Emotions enter the matter, culture enters even family members enter the matter and suddenly, the surrogate mother wants to also claim access to the child.
Surrogacy is even more complex in Nigeria whereby people keep debating about IVF like it is a new discovery in the moon. Not all people know it, some are scared about it, others believe that it is the only way to make their dream about becoming parents true. However, when discussing all the controversies, we neglect the fact that surrogacy is not a medical procedure alone. It is a combination of ethics, feelings, family associations, anticipation, and at times, untold drama.
The law is much clear in those nations where surrogacy is legal. Prior to a woman being a surrogate, she signs legal papers. The targeted parents also sign, stating roles, responsibilities and limitations as known by everyone. In that manner, the surrogate will be aware that she does not have any parental rights over the baby when it is born and the prospective couple will be aware that they are the birth parents.
In Nigeria however things are not yet completely formed. There are transparent processes and numerous processes are founded on confidential deals. Clinics do their utmost to save all the people, yet, there remains a misunderstanding, particularly by families and society.
Other individuals say that after a surrogate has delivered a baby she must simply fade into the background. Some of them feel that she ought at least to be respected and to be informed what is happening in the child's life since she was carried a life within her over nine months.
Let me tell you a true life story of a woman called Aunty Rita, a 32 years old woman in Benin city who accepted an agreement of becoming a surrogate to a billionaire couple. All things were put in place for her like medical tests, psychological assessment and the signing of the contract. She had the expectation that the money will be used to commence her fashion business.
She continued to be emotionally detached during pregnancy. She had kept repeating to herself that "this is not her baby, I am only helping them". However, as her stomach expanded, she began to experience things that she had not anticipated like small kicks, hiccups and tapping like movements on the inside.
One night, she would cry without any particular reason except for the beating of the heart of the baby in a scan. She was aware that she had given up all rights but the heart of man does not always obey the rules of law.
The baby was a beautiful girl and thus Aunty Rita took her in her hands and said, "Grow well my dear". She was supposed to be glad that the journey was complete but rather she experienced sadness she could not describe.
The couple were thankful and accepted the baby at hand, nobody was surprised that she could play along. However, weeks after, she was wondering how the baby was fairing like, was she eating well? sleeping well? growing fast?.....
She was aware that she had no legal right to check and thus she kept her emotions to herself.
This story reveals one reality that most individuals disregard that the law does not supersede emotions.
Ideally, the use of surrogacy should be regulated by powerful legal procedures in a perfect world. The surrogate is not to intervene after birth unless the two agree to it.
Nevertheless, a surrogate mother must not be considered as the expendable vessel as well. She needs to be respected, appreciated and emotionally supported, her mental health matters, her dignity matters, without giving her the parental authority she should be able to respect her position.
Surrogacy is a gift to humanity, one woman brings a smile to other family that she assisted to have the opportunity to enjoy parenthood. It is a delicate process too, that should be approached with diplomacy, compassion and legal precision.
Noted: All pictures were generated on Meta AI
