My life story begins like all of us at my birth. Being born in a small state in the West African country of Nigeria gives me my uniqueness and an identity that has culture, history and politics in it. The state is is called Abia state, after the British colonised the region in the 16th Century. My both parents are Nigerias from same state When I was four it was decided by my parents that I would live in England with my dad’s sister my Auntie Dot. ‘It was for the best reasons’ I have remembered my Auntie saying and after all it was the brave new world of the nineteen sixties, where the ‘civil rights’ movement was in its ascendency. Being sent to live in Egremount in south West Nigeria had a number of challenges, not just for its white working class identity which served up a lot of prejudice for me; it was also the beginning of the sexual abuse that I had to endure as a child. a child.
Having to live with experiencing sexual abuse has had a huge effect on me; anger, depression and anxiety have been emotions which were hard for me to live with but easy for me to relate to. Even so the sexual abuse had not affected the Hey. Please look through my good lady friend's gorgeous page. Like this page, it will be just amazing!
real sense of ‘uniqueness’ my situation gave me. It did not matter that there was a lack of blackness in my world to relate to, both subtle and overate messages every day gave negative, positive assurance of my sense of self, I felt black, it was certainly not the case of being proud of this fact after all I had been sexual abused as a child. Self-image has direct long term impact on self-esteem and is vital in helping a healthy development. When my cousin who sexual abused me told me ‘if I spoke to anyone about the sexual abuse no one would believe me because I was an outsider, a brown bugger no one wanted’ his words stopped me from
After all I certainly knew at that young age that what was happening to me was wrong, how could I tell anyone these horrific things were happening to me? What would people think of me?
This experience has wrapped a vial of pain and fear around me, it has also had a dramatic impact on my sense of self, myself development impacting on my behavior and in affect causing really a big gap in between my self-concept (myself as I am) and the ideal self (myself as I would like to be). It was a case of how I saw myself and how much other people saw me. I strongly believe my journey through adolescences at a social level it was my task to shape my identity or self image in the best way I could in very difficult circumstances
As a thirty six eight year old Lady, I believe myself image as I would like to be is much easier for me to be comfortable with. A steady charting of self-help activities has given me more ability to cope with not only the sexual abuse I have endured but those life events in which we all have to cope with. Close family members dying, separation from loved ones or are among the usual suspects of potential emotional distress however it is my assumption that they are situations in which there can supportive interaction with limited judgment put on to individuals. Support is a charity which ‘exists to break the silence of the sexual abuse and rape of women in order to empower those affected to defeat the legacy of abuse and move towards positive future’. In my case it took me over twenty to come to terms with the sexual abuse I endured and there is no doubt in my belief that one of the biggest barriers is the shame of ‘outing’ the experience of sexual abuse.
As a woman there are difficulties in accessing emotional well-being services in Nigeria.understanding of concepts like talking therapies, counseling and self help groups are quite good however in my conutry there was no such thing and stigma are barriers to achieving support then professionals and community members need to be able engage with woman. I had told myself that I can’t tell my peers my Life Story’ because there will be a no understanding of the cultural and political importance to that part of my story. I had also told myself surely the pain, fear, isolation and the shames of being sexual abused or raped, of not being able to talk about the abuse are elements that I can connect with.
From my Life Story’ there will be recognition that all of us are different and we all have a unique ways of coping with horrific life events like sexual abuse or rape.
