Sorry to hear you have come to such a state. I have never had any deep depression so I apologize if what I want to share with you may not seem sensitive enough to meet what you are dealing with right now but I have two people I admire who work with these issues and beyond that I want to introduce you to with hopes it will put you on the path out of depression.
One is Gabor Mate, a very compassionate man, he speaks of addiction (because that is the main area of his work) but really he is talking about trauma which we all experience (sounds like you have had major traumas) and healing from these. Here is a sample

You will find much more on his Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA

The other is Dr. Caroline Leaf which I just recently found and she addresses Depression and much more. Here is a video about the connection between mind and body. It is later in the video where she starts to address Depression and other mental issues directly.

Sending you virtual hugs, love and light directing you out of the darkness of depression!