I know. It has been a long time since I faced one of our fears. This one happens to be a fear of mine, and I kept meaning to tell you all about it. It may seem strange, being that I went to broadcasting school and have worked in television and video production for years, but I am very nervous about being on camera. I really don't like it. Yuck.
Why do I dislike it so? I'm not exactly sure. Maybe because of the permanent record that is being created of that moment in time, for better or worse. Memories can be manipulated in our minds, they can fade, they are subjective. But once you put yourself on camera, there is no disputing how goofy you look and sound.
When I was a kid, we used to do fake radio shows which we recorded onto cassette tape. (Okay, I am old, and a geek.) I even hated the sound of my voice on tape. It was totally different from my perception of myself and how I sounded when I spoke. Maybe that is why I don't like being on camera. Because it turns out I don't look and sound the way I think I look and sound.
A couple of weeks ago I found out about this contest to become a travel blogger here in Calgary. Seemed right up my alley. The entry process included a written component as well as a short video presentation. I assumed there would be tons of entries, so I didn't really expect to win, and I prefer to write for myself rather than someone else. The video thing almost convinced me not to bother entering. But it was the video thing that made me decide to do it.
I decided to face my fear. I wrote my script, my husband set up the camera and lights. We can produce the heck out of anything. Now, it was time to prove I could swallow my nerves and appear on camera. I even made Alexander stay and direct me, even though that only made it more uncomfortable for me. (I would have looked so much worse without his help. Thanks Dear!)
Part of facing this fear means actually letting people see the video, so I let it. I also let them feel free to laugh. Really. I can take it.