At times I wonder what the hell is going on in my own mind. Riddles left and right and answers nowhere to be found!
My mind is a place full wonders and doors that lead you to God knows where after you open them. Door number 3? You might end up in a world full of bright flowers and singing birds, while door number 6 will drag you into a world where shadows roam and monsters lurk. It keeps things interesting perhaps, but there is also a downside. It can make you so tired.
Most of the doors inside my mind hide creative dreams and stories. Some are cute and freaking fluffy while others scare the bejeeezusssss out of me. Yet, I read them, I write them, I create them and embrace them as part of me. I tried many times to create more doors to the fluffy and pink things, but for some reason I don't feed off them as much as the darker parts. For a long time that made me wonder if I am a creep?
Debate time with Snekky and Sneks!
So, I sat down and had a good talk with myself. Why do I feel the need to put myself in a corner with a sticker on my head saying I am a creep because I am able to crawl into the darkest of places? Am I really a bad person for being able to dive nose first into the mind of a serial killer and see every step he takes? Why would I listen to those words thrown at me for having the gift of fantasy just because they don't understand?
I love Brie, does this make me a creep as well?
Why am I bringing this up you might ask.
Everytime we had to create something at school, I was told that my drawings were way too dark. WHY? They asked me to create and I did but the outcome was not to their liking. Is this my fault, or is it theirs, for not being willing to look behind other doors? We all differ on so many levels, and when you are just different enough, you will be the outsider. Human behavior? I think not because I for one, never judge a soul for being different. I cheer them on, I praise them for following their own path in life. I was brought up this way and I learned to respect and embrace the different mindsets of the human souls around me.
I remember the moments when I had to write stories at school. I was scared as fuck, to be honest. My stories, my own real stories, the ones that formed in my mind would never be accepted, and a few times this was the case. Therefore, at school I started to write not as myself but as the person I thought they wanted me to be. I now realize/se (<====Damn you grammar check for not providing me with a good answer about spelling that word!) that I made a huge mistake in doing so. I gave them the power to alter my mind for a while.
Lucky for me I found my way back into being myself but it took me a long time and, at times, it's still a real struggle. There is always the annoying voice inside me who keeps telling me not to show people the doors in my mind. I still fear at times that they will judge me for not thinking like them. It's not only with my drawings, paintings and writings. My whole brain is wired in my own way and while I embrace that, I know others might not.
In the past I would give in to the fear that comes with that voice but NOT ANYMORE! You see, I learned how to flip the BIGGEST finger at that fear and I while I still care how people see me, I won't let me stop being me.
You think I am scary and a creep?
I dare you to look into my freezer! Or maybe my mind and get to know me.
