It's funny how I used to fantasize about being kidnapped and saving myself when I was so young. I used to think that it was so easy by giving a heavy blow to were hurt the most if it was a male kidnapper. Imagining it now as a grown-up scares the hell out of me. Many victims have been traumatized for life, some are very strong to tell the stories and warn others, while some met their end when held hostage.
I haven't been in such a tight spot to imagine what I would say, but my talk alone or the tone in which I talk when I am stressed out is irritating. Even my politeness sounds offensive when I am stressed out. In some uncalled situations I have experienced, I was able to bend them to my favor and face them with boldness instead of fear with my annoying and boring talks.
There was a time in school when I was stopped by some group of notorious cultists; they were at the top tier of the cult in off-camp. When they called me I was praying in my mind, they started talking and weighing my worth. I didn't keep shut; I started laughing at some things they said and countering some others with strong talks, belittling myself to the barest minimum. They got tired and told me to go. I was so relieved cause terrible things had been happening to females during that period.
I was seriously laughing in the face of danger so imagine what I would say in a kidnapping scenario. Truth is, if my mouth wasn't sealed they would drop me off before 25mins. If not, then the card up in my sleeve will be doing my vocal warm-up and techniques. Starting with 'lip trills', you know that sound children always make when driving an imaginary car, by vibrating their lips together. It's a funny sound, as the car is moving; I will try to match my lip movement with their car mimicking their speed for the first 5 minutes. Then 5-10minutes I start ' humming 'to the speed of the car. I know how to make different faces so it's gonna be a scary drive with a nuthead girl😄.
For the next 10-15 minutes, I will be making the 'siren sound' and urging them to mimic me. Have you seen the faces of people doing vocal warm-ups or have you stood in front of the mirror while doing one? it always makes me doubt myself if I am normal sometimes. My younger brother will always say, "This girl is crazy" and he's always irritated by it.
Then to the main part for the next 15- 25 minutes that will seriously annoy them and make them think I am crazy, I will then remember that I haven't done my entry for "Hive Open Mic". I will start pleading for them to lend me their phone to make a video in the car, asking for a better phone with a clear camera, and also trying to reach into their pocket to get one like a crazy girl. If I don't get one or they try proving violent I will relax first and start my entry.
Me; Hello everyone this is Hive Open Mic week 207, my name is Pjwelry and I will be presenting a song by my favorite music artist Faze titled “Kolomental” giving them the remix “ Amala enter plate, start to dey craze, akpu dey dance yahozee Kolomental”😄😄😄😄.
At this junction, they would have been feld up with me sprouting rubbish and rewarding me for making the fool out of them by pushing me out of the car, thinking I was not a normal girl. It was a long imaginary journey while writing this post I hope you all enjoy and get the full gist.
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