GETTING THE LOVE - AND KEEPING IT

Before we can keep the love, first we have to find it.
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Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages when it comes to finding love. That is fate. But are we slaves to fate or is there anything we can do to at least make the odds come out in our favor?

Certainly. But to do that we need to be able to get past the elementary stage of looking good to attract the opposite sex and dig deeper into what makes things go around. And be prepared to accept both the good and the bad that comes our way and learn the right things from the experiences.

The two genders are usually on the opposite ends of the spectrum most of the time although the exceptionally attractive tend to meet in the middle.

On the one end are the ones who think that the first person they ever fall for has to be “the one” for life.

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The ones on the other extreme are determined to run after and try to "experience" as many as fate and circumstance allows them to.

Most actually end up somewhere in between.

For the shy and the less attractive, the problem is usually how to attract the attention of the right one and keep it.

Perhaps the best advice in this case is to endeavor to become a pleasant, happy person who is fun to be with, talented and easy to get along with. Shyness can be overcome by placing yourself in situations where you are obliged to deal with a lot of people such as in group activities, or even sales.

Learning basic skills like cooking, driving and maybe singing or playing a musical instrument or excelling in sports would go a long way in developing a well-rounded personality.

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A great and winning attitude can strongly attract people and make them see beyond the physical.

For the shy and the more attractive, the challenge is more of how not to fall for the wrong one.

Shy, good-looking people tend to attract bolder and more predatory types.

For girls, this means a lot of guys who may not really be looking for more than to make a quick conquest from a naive or easy prey. This may not necessarily be a bad thing if both parties share the same attitude, However, for those who might be misled into deep emotional attachment only to discover that sex was really just the main objective of the exercise, this can be quite a painful disappointment.

This in itself need not be a major tragedy and can even simply be an enlightening, if painful, learning experience that most people actually go through at some point in their lives. The trick is to avoid lifelong adverse consequences that may pose a lifelong burden or obstacle to eventual happiness and fulfillment. In the end, it would be more than worth the pain if it helped you find and appreciate the right one, wouldn’t it?

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For shy guys, they may become hostages of the type of girls who are determined and have no qualms about getting, and keeping what they want. While that may not necessarily turn out to be a bad thing as well, it could lead to a life sentence of being dominated and bossed around.

The best option for both sexes seems to be to try to shop around a bit and not be too hasty about getting seriously involved.

For the self-confident and the real lookers the dilemma becomes either how not to become addicted to the chase or how to choose the right one.

Those who get addicted to the chase and playing the game tend to become narcissistic, selfish, demanding and rather insensitive to other people’s emotions while the really nice people would have their hands full trying to figure out the truly worthy from the horde of pretenders searching for a trophy.

For many, the first and maybe the greatest challenge is hormones. This manifests in girls as a hunger for attention. For guys this usually simply a hunger for sex or to get “experienced”.

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Perhaps the first thing that teen-agers should understand is that the very first girl or boy who catches your fancy, no matter how much you may feel for them, will probably not be your last, especially if you are between 13 and 17 years old. Even if you do get along splendidly for a few years, the chances that you will make it even to your mid-20s to 30 years old are extremely slim for many reasons.

Thus, if you cannot avoid or decide to have sex, the best thing girls in particular can do for themselves is to at least not get pregnant. If you really must, then simply understanding the basics of natural birth control would go a long way towards avoiding this problem.

Simply put, You can actually only get pregnant 24 hours or one day of each 28 day menstrual cycle.

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Counting from the first day of menstruation, this usually happens on the 14th day for those with regular cycles. To allow for variances, it is only necessary to “take care” from the 12th to the 16th day to be relatively certain that you will not get pregnant. While withdrawal can work for those who have “properly trained” to do it, using a condom or simple abstinence on “those days” is probably the best option for the less experienced.

Not to say that this should be an excuse for girls to take “losing it” too lightly or running around promiscuously, not necessarily because of moral or cultural standards but rather because of the mentality, attitude and possible negative consequences of doing so, such as contracting STD, would tend to create.

But, while early pregnancy and the problems posed by responsibility for children at a young age are usually the first major challenges encountered they are not the the only problems faced by those who choose to take “love” so seriously sooner than later in life.

What has been observed among those who married very young is that while they may have truly been madly in love at the time (or thought so), there eventually comes a time when one or the other, if not both, eventually either gets tired of the other’s faults or simply becomes extremely curious about how being with someone else would be like.

Aside from not having the benefit of much experience, one reason they probably got hooked so early is because they were probably rather good-looking to begin with and would probably look even better in full bloom.

While temptation eventually also poses a problem for many in their thirties or forties for those who married later, it is probably a much bigger temptation for those who are still in their twenties who married young.

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In later years, temptation and distractions usually arise for those of similar age when financial success and/or careers tend to make couples grow apart and essentially have separate lives.

Taking your partner for granted and getting lost in your own concerns is also a sure path to perdition.

In all circumstances, money can be a great factor. Having too much of it or too little of it creates their own challenges. Whether things end up for better or for worse in the long run really depends on the person.

While money surely helps a lot in matters of sex and the simulation of love, it can also pose a formidable obstacle to finding true love as well as keeping it.

It is strange how people spend so much of their lives running after material things which only seem to make them hungry for more. This tends to either lead people to believe that they can buy love or make them paranoid about people pretending to love them for their money. The end result is that you may end up always hungry for both real love and money.

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Sadder still are those who doggedly run the rat race and even lead the pack for the sake of their loved ones only to be unable to experience them for being too occupied. Being able to provide the ultimate in material things is not the essence of love.

On the other hand, while living in misery is also not something to wish for, those who can at least manage a reasonable existence seem able to find real and lasting love and the happiness and fulfilment that come with it more easily.

How to tell?

Quite simple really.

Somehow, regardless of circumstance, the rat race, the temptations and distractions lose their attraction and simply being there and able to care becomes the indispensable source of your satisfaction.

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In the end, it doesn’t really matter where we are. It is who we are with.

How to win?

Nobody loves losers, selfish and self-centered people, whiners and the faint-hearted.

Certainly, those who would be successful in finding love and keeping it must have a winner’s attitude, a sympathetic heart and be worthy of being loved.

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