I'm glad to be back from the break. I will be choosing answering the second question.
Staying in my space has always been my thing but being lonely, left by loved ones, people with whom I have a great link and memories, feels truly hard and deep. Every phrase stated by Maroon 5 in his song named “Memories” gives me conflicting sensations. I could honestly claim he did that song, particularly for me😢 I’m strengthened by the words “reaching out to contact you one day, everything’s gonna be alright” same time I feel empty when it reads “you’re not here and the dreams bring back all the memories”. I could listen to this all day just so I feel a little better. Every image of our memories still flashes to me like it all occurred yesterday. Going out for an evening walk with my lovely man( I lovingly call my Dad) was one thing I always craved every day. I regarded it as a daily routine I shouldn’t skip for whatever reason. For the days I feel depressed, this stroll eases me. l and provides me an inner relief.
The days I feel happy, it makes me even calmer. The comfort I experience putting my head on my father's shoulders while sitting in the seat was a place a never wanted to be distant from. He’ll tell me about global histories, conflicts, and political events, his young days, the terrible and good lifestyle he had, his experiences from all of it, and surviving. I had a greater comprehension of biblical history as well as its lessons because God provided me with a better interpreter in my Dad.
How I was able to overcome loneliness when nature stole my dad from me showed me how strong a woman I could be. He departed and there I was again lonely, sad, depressed with my aches and living in my world all by myself. I could feel nothing or no one around me. I didn’t need any of them at the time. I could remain In my sorrows for as long as they last, speaking to no one. but then there came yet another angel in human form and I convinced myself “Daddy is back to you in another body” so you can imagine how much gap this guy was able to cover to make me see my dad in him. He showed every trait I thought I had lost. the nice company, the teachings, the degree of comprehension and comfort, it all came back to me, and thus I had another home again.
But maybe I assume every wonderful item or person that comes into my life comes to provide me the fleeting moments of goodness. He departed at the moment I believed life was finally solid and perfect for me. I wonder why permanent is distant from me. this time the loneliness was much deeper. Every phrase in the Calum Scott song titled “You’re the reason” tears me down to the last sliver of frailty. I could feel the sufferings not only in my heart or my head but in my eyes too.
My tears streaming down continuously like I was genuinely going to die too. All of them give me a double sense of being shattered and healed at the same time. I’m still to comprehend why I’m to be this sad, lonely, and shattered in practically every stage of my life. Just maybe owning things forever isn’t really for me.
Anyways good a thing I can be thus strong among all of the things.
Friends have always described me as a strong girl who can confront and manage harsh moments without allowing them to drag me down. But I got to award myself the crown when I genuinely survived every one of these stages and didn’t quit living for myself to grow better than I was. I hope destiny doesn’t continue to be unkind to me again.
I invite 
