I had two conversations yesterday about how we deal with internal Party criticisms that were vastly different.
We need to get this straight: it sometimes doesn’t matter what we intended in what we say - it matters how others heard it.
When told that something one said went unintentionally awry the thing to do is not double down and defend it at all costs. Not if you care about relationships. The thing to do is to hear what the other person is saying, and even if they are attacking you, and learn from it.
In one instance yesterday the right thing happened.
In another the exact opposite.
Which is more likely to build relationships?
And in the course of those discussions some criticisms were aimed at me. The right thing to do now is to consider if they had merit and learn and adjust.
If you or me ever think we are just absolutely right in every interpersonal exchange and walk away feeling completely not convicted about something we could improve, then we are foolishly wrong.
This is most difficult to do when the critic is indeed wrong on many things and their method is atrocious. That’s not an excuse for us to ignore the bits of truth for improvement. That critic may never change. But we can.
We don’t apply this in this Party nearly enough. Some (not me) are fantastic at it.
That is the heart of destructive factionalism.
A good measure is this - though there are others. Have you ever stepped back - and even though you know your intentions were good and you still think that your words/actions are justifiable - and just said to another, even (or particularly) someone you don’t like, and said- you’ve got a point. Okay I see such and such - and even better if you can sincerely apologize after seeing the validity of their point.
People get mad at articles like this and go BUT WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
And thus miss my point. I’m talking about no one and everyone and myself and you.
