Within the last few years, I have adopted a number of positive habits through conscious effort. Many of these habits are things one would barely notice, subtle little things that seem insignificant, but the truth is, it’s those little habits that create the channel for the bigger ones.
There’s one bad habit I adopted during my first year in the university, in the first two weeks to be specific, during screening. It eventually became a habit that affected me the most.
After gaining admission into school, the screening process was a tedious one. I was always so stressed that I started calling my mum at home to complain about every little thing. From walking around trying to locate the appropriate buildings, to waiting in long queues just to get a single stamp and signature before moving to another queue for the same thing. I complained about the long distance from one lecture hall to another, and I remember complaining about the crowded lecture hall too. My mum always gave me a reward for my complaints, offering comfort and petting, and I would feel good immediately after that.
But the complaining didn’t stop after screening, it followed me into everyday life. It slowly turned into a habit, and I began to complain about a lot of things, even the scorching sun.
At first, I didn’t even know it was a bad habit until my sister told me, “You’re complaining too much o.” I could sense the truth in that joke, so I began to examine that part of myself and noticed I was complaining about normal things everyone was experiencing. I was taking them too seriously, and it was affecting me badly. Many times, I looked stressed and burnt out because I refused to accept the reality of a Nigerian student. Almost everything felt difficult for me, so I decided to turn a new leaf.
How did I do that?
I began by telling myself I would stop complaining. I told myself to accept challenges, so whenever I wanted to complain, I would say out loud, “Stop complaining, Phyna.” If someone did something I didn’t like, instead of complaining behind their back, I told the person directly. And if it was something I could ignore, I simply ignored it because after all, we are humans and we make mistakes.
I also began to give my brain directions. Complaining had a way of making me see only the problems instead of the possible solutions or benefits. That role is played by our brains. So whenever I found myself complaining about something, I tried to look for something good in it and appreciate it, thereby redirecting my mind to the positive.
Like while walking under the scorching sun, instead of complaining about how hot and uncomfortable it felt, I tried to appreciate the fact that it provides light in many ways to us all. It’s beneficial to our crops. And it is very normal to feel heat and discomfort when under the sun.
I also reminded myself that the long queues I hated in my first year actually taught me patience and endurance. Smiling while the bursar was being mean taught me tolerance and the ability to stay unbothered. Consequently, my life began to feel a little easier. The constant stress on my face disappeared.
My life didn’t change when I complained, but it changed when I decided to always see the positive side of things. I was able to achieve this consistency by journaling every morning and night. I consistently reminded myself that complaining wasn’t good for me. I also consistently appreciated the things I had, who I was, the people around me, as well as the good side of the things that used to trigger complaints.
So if you still haven’t gotten it, the one habit that truly changed my life is daily gratitude and appreciation. It didn’t just help me stop complaining, it reshaped the way I see challenges, the people around me, and even myself. It was this single habit that opened the door to several other good habits I practice today, and looking back, I realize it marked a turning point I will never forget.
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Images are mine.
